Knowing Lyrics

I want to live

I don't want to die

I want to live forever

No matter how many times

Or ways

I may

Disassemble

When I met you at that party

And asked myself what living meant

And I knew

I knew it meant I would ask you

For your number

Ask you if I could call you

You blushed

And you smiled

When we went out

You made it clear

This was all new to you

You didn't know what you were doing

Didn't know what to do

Didn't know if you

Were really ready to

Follow anything through

But I'm alright with that

You told me

If that's alright with you

Too

When we got naked

The first time

You jerked my penis

So hard that it bled

You said

I should have told you

You were hurting me

And I should have

But I didn't

And I wondered

Why I hadn't

And then I knew

But I also knew

Knowing didn't mean

That I would do

Anything new

I wished that you would tell me

What you thought of me

But you said nearly nothing

About me

During our phone calls

You said you were so nervous

About your school work

That you couldn't sleep

Said that the anniversary

Of your sister's suicide

Was coming

And you weren't sure what that meant

Except that possibly you

Wouldn't be available

You might be moody

You might

You didn't know what you might do

Months passed

You never called me

But you called me back

Eventually

When I left messages

And sometimes

We had sex

Kind of

In my car

Down by a park

Where I thought we wouldn't be noticed

But a policeman

Knocked on the steamy window

And told us to move along

And I was

So embarrassed

It felt like I'd brought my past

Into the present

Had I really changed

Was life better than it had been

Was I making progress

Any at all?

I wanted to break up with you

Because I felt like it wasn't working out

Or like it wasn't going to work out

But a friend told me

Not to fix things

Before they were broke

Were we broke?

I didn't know

Wait until you know, then

My friend said

How would I know, though?

How will I know?

Eventually I knew

And that was that

And you said

You weren't too disturbed about it

Maybe you didn't think there was anything

To break up

But you were gentle

Like you'd always been

Except with my penis