Paycheque Lyrics

Three days before the semester started

The scheduled writing teacher departed

She got a real writing job

And my mom

Took a nepotistic leap

By suggesting me

As a replacement

To the

Hiring committee

They offered me the job

What else could they do?

I got the textbook

And read it through

Adjusted the syllabus and

Tried doing all the class assignments

Myself

Before I showed up

A day later for the first day

Of class

I wasn't a new teacher

For five years now

I'd been teaching creative arts

At a homeless youth drop-in centre

And at two alternative high schools

For gay, lesbian, transgender

And other kids who wanted

Somewhere else to go

But I only did that a couple days a week

For a few hours

Each day

Pulling myself up from

My puddle of fatigue

The pain in my lymph nodes

Would recede

While I was teaching

Just like I never felt itchy

Even if I had crabs

When I was on the stage

Singing or delivering lines

In reverie or rage

Channeling another moment

Into this moment

Another presence

Into the present

My first bi-monthly cheque

From the university

Was for more money

Than I'd seen

In the last three months combined

And it came at just the right time

The hand-me-down car

From my parents

Had died

And for the first time

They didn't have a new used car

To pass my way

Not that they hadn't help me out

My dad advised me on how to negotiate

Myself into my first new car

And my first new car payments

Added to the mortgage

And the strata fees

And my carefully controlled other living expense

I could have taken out a second mortgage

But now, instead

I could make extra mortgage payments

And it occurred to me that I didn't need keep in touch

With an ex

Who worked for a clothing company

Where he could get free clothes for me

Because I had the height and width of a model

How proud he had seemed to be

Telling his friends

About my measurements

It had made me

Sad and angry

The way he

Looked at me

Suddenly

I could go on first dates

To restaurants

And pay my own way

And then walk away

And not look back

If that's what I wanted to do

Not as if that hadn't been an option before

I knew

But now a date wasn't a date

It was just meeting someone new

And having something to do

And having someone to do it with too

Nothing was leading

Anywhere

Everything was here