Invincible Lyrics

Painful lymph nodes

Restless sleep

Full of crazy dreams

Trying to find a little cafe in Paris

But getting stuck in some kind of installation

Artwork

That goes on and on

Block after block

Of bath houses

And sex clubs

Is it an invasion

Of the body snatchers

Or the bug chasers?

Is it everywhere?

Is it in the air?

Opium-laced

LSD and THC

I don't care

And I wake up

And I care

That in my dream

I didn't

Where do these dreams come from?

Who dwells inside me?

Chronic fatigue

Doctors

Cat scans

Biopsies

Acetaminophen

Again and again

This guy who helped me pick out furniture

Wants to cheat on his alcoholic boyfriend

With me

He keeps making references

To the measurements of his penis

And I keep thinking about them

But I don't want to end up again

In that place I've always ended up in

But he's left a bunch of his shit

At my house

A book

A shirt

Some wet swim trunks

That he took off right in front of me

Though I looked the other way

So when they dry

I wrap his shit in the swim trunks

And put it in a box

Put the box in the mail

Addressed to him

Without my return address

But that's just symbolic

He knows where I live

He's been to my condo

He even helped me pick out my bed

And where that could have led

Plays out over and over

In my head

I made a new acquaintance

He wants to be my lover

I want him to be my friend

I can't remember the last time

I had a friend

A best friend

A friend to go hiking with

To go on long walks

And have long talks

To learn to rollerblade

To talk about how

I'm trying to

At least go to coffee

Or at the very least

For a walk around the block

Before I let horny strangers in

Even though that

Definitely doesn't

Solve everything

There was that guy who showed up

Three hours late

For our second so-called date

And when I told him I'd already made other plans

While he sat in my living room

Bunching his hands

Into fists

I had to decide if I should just run

Leave him in my house

Get out

Get safe

Or pick up the phone

And threaten to call 911

Hoping he'd take that seriously

That it wouldn't escalate

That he hadn't already become unhinged

Or that he hadn't already been

That way

But I didn't notice

On our first so-called date

I could barely work

On account of the dreams

And the fatigue

But I'd been prescribed a medication

It seemed like a cop out

But I was sick of being sick

So now my dreams were muted

And I had dry mouth in the morning

I was able to buy

A foreclosed condo

Really cheap

Because I think the realtor

Had a crush on me

Or something

He pocketed the key

So no one else could see

The place

And he told me

About it

And I wondered

Was I living

Life on life's terms

If I was placing a really low bid on the place

Only because I knew

No more bids

Would be coming in?

Was this just the start

Of some kind of slippery slope?

I walked to the store everyday

And bought food reduced for quick sale

Got my protein from beans

And tofu

Became mostly, but not totally

Vegetarian again

Stretched and stretched my dollars

And tried to cut back on the medication

When I was feeling well-rested

And then I'd have a dream

That I kept falling asleep

And when I fell asleep

I went crazy

And killed people

So I had to wake up

I had to try to stay awake

And I wanted to call my friend

My new best friend

To get him to help me somehow

But I was afraid that if I called him

And he came to help me

That in the meantime

I might fall back to sleep

And end up killing him

When he got there

So I couldn't call him

I was beyond help

Powerless

No free will

The only thing that could help me

If anything could

Was something not human

Something that wasn't alive in the first place

Something I couldn't kill