BLEEDING THROUGH THE MASK Lyrics

When they find my body tell them leave it where I kept it

In a drawer with all my regrets and the parts I left neglected

Promise with a handgun, I lived my whole life reckless

Dreaming of another way to reignite the light in me

Honestly, I wish I could've given you the best of me

Break my back to show my spine, I am my own worst enemy

Keeping tabs on my old haunts, no love, nobody there for me

Lost hope in the father, started buying what they're selling me

Taking full bags to the dome, I ain't never leaving home

Ain't felt love in so long, got my heart turning stone

But when in Rome

Indulgence is the norm

I'm gonna take the world by storm, just give this one listen more

If you ain't pick up what I said, you ain't really about it

This ain't slinging drugs or catching bodies, just dependence on that molly

Catch me coasting out of body, out of sight, out of mind

Think I lost a piece of mine coasting between space and time

Just a cosmic object, of zero importance

A wink of the cosmos is our whole life before us

50 years, a man's life

Already lived that twice

A balance between god and bone

If hell is hot, then heaven's cold

Like a battle of blood, no side wins

Do the best you can just to avoid a life of sin

But the rules keep changing, and nobody explaining

So I said fuck it to the pious, let's go start a fucking riot

I, on a shoreline I find myself

Lost in your arms again

Lost in the waves

Standing by a river got me caught up in my dreams

Caught in-between, rough undercurrent in the stream

This can't be life, the ones you loved, the ones that left you

No this can't be right, I can't accept that heaven kept you

Your life is yours to make, if you want it you can have it

But if this life is yours to take, please don't let it be a habit

Losing all my friends, swear it's giving me the bends

If my mans from the ends can't be there in the end

As we get older, shit get colder, I can't see clear

Snowflakes got me thinking I won't see next year

Know that every day a blessing, I ain't see it then

Never see it coming 'til you see it in your men

The spirit leaves, the mind goes blank

A body with no pilot, the environment reacts

Mirror images of a life of stone

Family asking me when he's coming home

Shit I wish I knew, I still miss him too

But the hero in this story hooked on hero' in the truth

But that's god's way, can't face what the tomb say

Unmarked grave in the park where the kids play

News say, another body in the leaves

Hope death ain't coming for me but we're all food for the trees

When the man above says times up, so rack another line up

Don't give a fuck about today, 'cause we ain't promised for tomorrow

Feel it running through my marrow, body feeling like a shackle

Smoking on tobacco, this cough is more a rattle

Every day another battle with the bottle

On the ropes in petty squabbles, it isn't worth all of the hassle

Feeling trapped inside the lasso

A horse's noose, grip won't loose

What's the use?

Give it all up, float among the waves, and

I, on the shoreline I find myself

Lost in your arms again

Lost in the waves

High off a bag of rocket

Shooting off bottle rockets

The key that's in my pocket

Call that direct deposit

Know that I got some problems

Don't do too good at hiding

Work through it in my writing

Don't worry I'm just vibing

Don't ask about my state of mind I told ya

Putting up Guevara posters, it's apparent I'm a poser

Poster child for abstinence from substances

I came up out the gutter doing blow off genesis

To be this good it takes ages

Billing a zoot with bible pages

Saying fuck the man I'm talking to the other hand

This one is for the people on the corner catching coins in cans

Pots and pans, plots and plans, i don't need them

I'm just strolling through a toxic land, washed in the blood of lambs

This is scripture, make you spiritually richer

Bombs I'm dropping, kamikaze, take my mental out the picture

Been gone for days in a maze of my creation

Tunnel through the walls and watch the roof cave in

I made it out the rubble but the trouble didn't stop there

Dodging blue lines, chasing white with more some more beer

Ignore the fear that my heart might be going

Drinks stay flowing, I'm getting way too open

Might just tell 'em something I can't expose

I knows it in my bones, I'm numb, ain't got no soul

I go to speak but nothing comes out

I open my mouth and spiders crawl out

One chair in the cell that I sleep in

Concrete floor where I battle all my demons, my own colosseum

Spirits, I can see 'em, looks like I'm leaving

Road to purgatory and I'm still free wheeling, but

All I wrote is nothing but prose

No imagination, hallucinations of the nose

Hallucinations of the nose

Tryna drown my sorrows in some new designer clothes

And I got me some new flows

But even with new shit the cons still outweigh the pros

I'm on a disc with RXS3

You know my wrist on froze

But I still wish that I was buried six feet under the snow

This little light of mine

It'll never get its time to shine

My music's like a bottle rocket failed to launch

It's just a bunch of junk that never took off

Maybe it's for the best

My pops said it best

He said it's blending in with all the rest

Time moves by and my corpse will decay

But I still hope that my album will get a few plays

I'll get by, taking this day by day

But if I die, just know you'll be okay

All I've ever done was bring other people down

I don't think I'll forget my mother's defeated frown

All I've ever been is a disappointment to others

Not to mention a constant burden on my lovers

Why can't time just pass me by?

Why can't time just pass me by?

Why can't time just pass me by?

Why can't time just pass me by?

Why can't time just pass me by

Hope you can hear my cry up in heaven, oh my

Accomplishments go down the drain when I see the powder rain

Made me forget why came or why I even left the game

Don't call it a relapse

Just a lil' something, help me relax

Just show me where the speed at

Help me counteract the Benadryl

Or better still

Let me mix it with some vodka

Let mind start to wonder

Now completely detached our hero finds themselves

In a Honda in an alley

Pally with the plug they great each other with a hug

But it's always strictly business, don't get it twisted

Friends are far from our heroes side

Cause it's their own reality where they chose to reside

Far from where was once home

Lonely place where no one goes

Hallucinations of the nose

Bleeding through the mask that my father gave

The ghost of his features

I wish I couldn't see 'em

But I'm bleeding through the mask of my history

A roadmap with no goal

Even if you paint it gold

I'm still running from the facts about myself

That I can't deny

I've been away too much

I never really tried

To fix the parts of me

That I thought were a disgrace

I had tears in my eyes

Blood running down my face

All these scars

Are memories I just relive

Permanent reminder sometimes life's a bitch

Cut me open and all you'll see is the truth

Life is colour motion not a painted bowl of fruit

So I'm still bleeding through the mask that my father gave

The ghost of his features

Sometimes appears in the ether

And I'm still bleeding through the mask of my history

Feels like I'll never leave it

Memory got me defeated

Feels like the last 20 years I been high

My brain wide open

My body is broken

I can't keep on living out this lie

Don't even act like I'm happy

You'd be better without me

The performance is done

I hope you had fun

Hearing my trouble splattered aimless on the page

They say tragedy is the comedy of life

Well good luck laughing staring death in the eye

We're on a first name basis

I'm just covering bases

They say my music is tasteless

They'd see the vision if I made it

If god is real then I repent for all my sin

But what's the use of a god

When the devil lives within

The things I held so close

Are the things that hurt me most

But I can't even front

I know, it's all my fault I'm a

Blunt attitude

Stunted as a youth

I can't look at myself

Cause all I see is you

More like a shadow than a ghost

I know you're always there

I can't avoid your stare

The parasite that I host

I know you're killing me

I know it's killing me

Staring at the mask that my father gave

I don't recognise myself in the mirror

Putting on the mask of my history

I see it crumble, I'm nothing but rubble

I'm nothing but the mess that my father made

I see the sun coming up

But I'm still snorting off of the table

I don't really give a fuck

About keeping myself safe and stable

Cut the cable, let me free fall

They offer help I know I need it

But this ain't over if I'm breathing

Sunk cost of substances I'm fiending

Got me fucked up

Got me blacked out in the corner

Out the door in early morning

Get ahead of today's scoring

By the afternoon it's gone

I know I fucked up I ain't got no self control

But I need all that and some more

I see hell behind the door

Do it how I wanna

Give a fuck about no karma

Lived in hell before I'm dead

Paved my way, live for my friends

Fly straight off the asphalt, ain't talkin' planes

Know a Cuban link but I ain't talkin' chains

Ice in my chest got me lost in a daze

How'd I get here? I'm amazed, but I

Line it up in broad day

Yeah, I do it my way

While my pupils dilate

Pirouette on ice wearing roller skates

Secret key of inner peace, it bends before it breaks

Never know how much it takes

Never do I take the bait

Only see myself in strangers

But I'm talking to the angels

Think you could walk with me?

I'm the box that set the sinners free

Oh, Pandora, lamb to slaughter, dodgin' facts bout my early grave

Got no time for six feet deep

You cannot come close to me

I been hidin' way outta way, mind not a state

This do not matter, need I remind you

I'm your provider, this what you came for

Ain't it?

Pay attention, 'cause this the show stopper

Do it how I wanna

Give a fuck about no karma

Lived in hell before I'm dead

Paved my way, live for my friends

Drip back like a leaking crack

White smoke curling off the can

Dark life with no back up plan

No shots, AC Milan

Cooped up in a caravan

With a little bag of magic and a flower stash

I'm nothin' but a product of my circumstance

Blame god he made me that, took my soul the devil gave it back in all black

With a pitchfork and a lit torch tellin' me

I'm gonna do some great things some day

But shit

Getting high don't get you paid

Only wastes away the days you can't face

There's gotta be another way, I can hardly show my face

Ashamed the path I take so I pray you don't relate

History repeats itself so I watch time flow backwards

Wrote stanzas to understand it

Memories feel underhanded

Living out the same things

Got cash, all cream

Motivation, no steam

Half mast, know what I mean?

Remember as a kid I used to look for the light

Still do it now but I still end up blind

Stunted at 16

Now I'm livin' in a pipe dream

Memories, my enemy

The past stay dead to me

Escape with coke or ketamine

Every horse makes gelatine

Old ways make by-products

The dairy cow made into Prada

Your old scars tell new stories

Life lived since you swore you couldn't

Your old scars tell new stories

Of the life lived since you swore you couldn't

For me therapy never lasted more than an hour

Just a hint of retreat before my problems reclaim power

Of a sombre mind

I'm trying to tackle all my demons at once

All I ever seem to do is find a new way to run

A new way to destroy myself

A new way to enjoy myself

Fucked up how I always get fucked up

I'm twenty years in, is this all that I've become?