Already Dead Lyrics

I am the physical manifestation of history's deadliest virus

I am a danger to the world in the absence of being violent

I'm the embodiment of a killer though my symptoms lay in silence

An unintended assassin actively practicing defiance

Inner hope didn't fully die yet, self-hate on a steady diet

While I exist, insist on a bucket list of things that I haven't tried yet

On the outside deadly quiet, while my insides are plotting a riot

A seemingly normal individual with the influence of a giant

I strive to avoid the weaponization of my worst inadequacies

That radicalize the imperfections of my health and humanity

Ostracized, dehumanized, estranged from society

Separated and divided from my beloved family

My dignity stripped away from me unknowingly, unwittingly

Subject to the judgement of public idiocy

Unwell in my inner shell as hell freezes over me

As my interior and exterior agree to disagree

I'm already dead, at least in my head

I've done what I've done, said what I've said

Faced all my fears, shed all my tears

Feels like it's near, the last of my years

Made my bed and I lie in it

Built my coffin to die in it

That was my life and I tried to live it

God's plan already decided it

Now I'm the Great Infector, a modern-day leper

Aging at an incredible rate - way more salt than pepper

I'm like an invalid - don't know what I did to deserve this punishment

Can't savor the days when I was in favor - they already came and went

Living with the stigma that I'm just an enigma

They can't fix me statistically, this isn't six sigma

And now I'm treated hyper critically, ballistically different

They can't wait to get away from me, the weight has drastically shifted

They feel the urge to purge me from the verge of existence

And I don't have the courage to circumvent their persistence

They urgently surge away from me, keeping their distance

And the intention of their aggression makes it feel like something's missing

I'm fine - not fine, sorry - not sorry, completely contradictory

Self-loathing ongoing as the world's closing in on me

As people go on with their lives - I'm writhing in misery

God's plan but I don't understand what He's got in store for me

I'm already dead, at least in my head

I've done what I've done, said what I've said

Faced all my fears, shed all my tears

Feels like it's near, the last of my years

Made my bed and I lie in it

Built my coffin to die in it

That was my life and I tried to live it

God's plan already decided it

If everything's decided, predetermined, and planned

We need to practice the virtue of patience to see where we land

God - omnipotent virtuoso, created woman and man

It's so far removed from what we can do to comprehend or understand

That's why it feels like we're in a free fall, but we're in the palm of his hand

Like a misdirected mission - a misled decision

An act of indignation in a war of attrition

Don't say you're a Christian, if you don't practice contrition

And don't specify conditions that dictate the terms that define how the Savior is risen

Just cause you know that you will be forgiven

The reason's within, so let the season begin

Create a state to erase the hate, the slate should be free from sin

And that's my humble opinion, and it's your choice not to listen

You have the right to put up a fight despite the insight you're given

In light of the dream that you're living

An unintended sense of entitlement can't be forgiven

That's why crazy I'm driven, as the clock remains ticking

Grains of sand in the hourglass devoured fast

Till your future morphs into your past

I'm already dead, at least in my head

I've done what I've done, said what I've said

Faced all my fears, shed all my tears

Feels like it's near, the last of my years

Made my bed and I lie in it

Built my coffin to die in it

That's my life and I tried to live it

God's plan already decided it