F.L.O.A.T. (Radio Edit) Lyrics

If you agree to agree

That the greatest is Ali

You'll realize I'm the worst

More like the Cabin Boy Tom Green

If you worship MJ, Pele, and Barry Sanders

I'm on the other end of the spectrum

Annoying neighbor Ned Flanders

It's not a mirage

I'm hot garbage

Wheel me down the driveway like trash

I'm the antithesis

Don't want to deal with this

My list of failures abundantly vast

While the celebrities and their homies

Are trending like straight cash

You'll look at me like a grave disease

A chronic rash spreading over your ass

I'm on the wrong path

80's Tom Selleck no mustache

Crick in your neck like whiplash

Loaded potatoes not mashed

I'm like a gash

Rubbing up against your Secret Stash

An ATM with no cash

Miss Universe but no sash

Jack the Ripper with no slash

I'm Mr. Game and Watch out the Bros in Super Smash

I'm Dallas Mavs rookie Steve Nash

I'm Joe Strummer but without The Clash

I'm Guns N' Roses without Slash

McGwire and Canseco but without the Bash

I'm so undeniably lame

They should throw me a Black Parade

And build me a float

Out of paper mache

Feature my bromance

With My Chemical Romance

As I display the infamous side of what some call shame

Don't call it a comeback

It's more like a setback

Instead of moving toward my goals

Make like the Beatles and "Get Back"

Get smacked and attacked

We talking Sopranos

I already got whacked

Rolled up in a sack

Tied to the tracks

Thrown off a bridge

To sleep with the fish

I faded to black

I wanna be the Greatest like Ali

Float like a GOAT on a boat

Sting like a bee

But I know I'm not the G-O-A-T

F-L-O-A-T

Fuckin' Lamest of All Time

Bro that's me

Stick around long enough and you're gonna see

I'll disappoint you time and time again

In perpetuity

You might find out the hard way if you don't know me

The fuckin' lamest of all time

Once again

That's me

Everyone living on the surface but me

I'm subterranean - so used to being a loser

Haven't even started complaining yet

Just like the rain is wet

It's like a safety net

I'm so accustomed to it

That it represents how lame I get

If you're looking for an underdog

Don't bother to place your bets

Cause I'm the beast of bad beats

I guarantee they'll cover the spread

I'd love to make it big

Instead I'm working for pennies at Payless

I'm laying down lyrics

But my friends advise me to say less

Now I'm downplaying

I'm a hot mess

No, I'm never good enough

They say leave it to the professionals

And shut the fuck up

Don't interrupt

Do not disrupt

Do not disturb

Keep it curbed

Imbalance of energy

Lack of synergy

Literally screwing everything up

What am I doing?

I'm ungluing

Everything good

I ruin the chemistry

I'm a foregone conclusion

As I predicted I would be

Not misunderstood

There's no confusion

Hope floats away from me

It's not an illusion

Bad vibes and sad eyes

Make me the Fuckin' Lamest of All Time

I wanna be the Greatest like Ali

Float like a GOAT on a boat

Sting like a bee

But I know I'm not the G-O-A-T

More an F-L-O-A-T

Fuckin' Lamest of All Time

Bro that's me

Stick around long enough and you're gonna see

I'll disappoint you time and time again

In perpetuity

You might find out the hard way if you don't know me

The fuckin' lamest of all time

Once again

That's me

If I could be famous

No follows, no likes, I'm the lamest

It's clear that nobody likes me

Social media magnifies

My deepest insecurities

Apparently I can't take a hint

Double down like a clown

Just keep breaking shit

Can't see what's right in front of me

Must be Lit

Cause I'm my own worst enemy

It's like I'm cursed

I'm just the worst

I comment second

But post the word first

I'm like Fred Durst

Did it all for the nookie

With the nursing home nurse

I carry a man bag but it's really a purse

It's not European

I'm simply being

A bona fide jerk

(It's European)

I'm in distress

What you might call a hex

The Fresh Prince says

To stay the fuck out

Of everyone's mouth

They call me the hexagon

Wish I was gone with the wind

Personified sin

A Scarlet letter

I'm stuck at O'Hare

But nobody cares

Was there ever a doubt?

I'm dragging this song down South

Because of the words coming out of my mouth

Always stressed

Don't feel blessed

Must confess it's why I never hear "yes"

But I digress

I'm embarrassed by what I bench press

The bar's like my feelings

I can't get it off of my chest

I know you're not impressed

So put this case to rest

It's one of the secrets

To my blatant lack of success

I'm the first inducted member

In the National Hall of Lame

With a ceremony to remember

That I'm never on my game

It would certainly be a unanimous vote

It's my legacy - that's all she wrote

Antithesis of the GOAT

F-L-O-A-T

(That's me)

I wanna be the Greatest like Ali

Float like a GOAT on a boat

Sting like a bee

But I know I'm not the G-O-A-T

More an F-L-O-A-T

Fuckin' Lamest of All Time

Bro that's me

Stick around long enough and you will surely see

I'll disappoint you time and time again

In perpetuity

You might find out the hard way if you don't know me

The fuckin' lamest of all time

Once again

That's me