Don't know why I said that I love you

I don't even love myself

Maybe when I say I love you I'm just crying out for help

I've been turning to self harm now all four kids now they have seen it

I've been beaten

I need Jesus

I be screaming but He never comes

We got demons stopping us from better love

In that aspect I think that our children are ahead of us

Building bonds beyond the wrongs that seep out of our walls

I'm hoping these same issues they don't plague them as adults

The only peace I found was watching my babies crawl and take they first steps

I forget I'm fighting the urges of when the Heavens call

With heat upon my hands I feel that pressure in my palms

Until I hear a "Mom what's wrong" and I got to snap back in

I wish that I could tell them I got nothing left to give, no will to live

And here in is the issue, I am fearing hate will get you

When four times the Lord has blessed you, but besides that He forgets you

You start to forget you

Living in a broken home

Living with a broken soul

All the tears that I own

Are spilled out on the floor

Fuck you

I say fuck you

I say love you

I say trust you

I say bless you

I say help me

Can you please just define healthy

I been in the wrong space for a long time

Right heart wrong guy

Trauma always on time

Healing takes a long time

I've been tryna find God turning to the wrong guides

Wanna take my own life

Mountains that I'm gonna climb

Two devils on my shoulder working Bonnie and Clyde

Every river I cry turn around become dry

Ain't no sunshine

Always tongue tied

Sleep with one eye

I'm just one guy

With nowhere to love

I hate who I've become

And where I come from

We all know we could do better

But what's resolution if the pain just lasts forever

I remember growing up I said I would never be like them

Now we screaming every night, know my kids hear every word that's said

The other day they passed a note under door saying

They miss when mommy and daddy would just play with them

Living in a broken home

Living with a broken soul

All the tears that I own

Are spilled out on the floor

I wish I could say that I love you

I'm the one all the girls run through

I'm just reaching the next climax

Hate what my vices have come to

I've been hurting everyone around as of late

You know the pain that's caused when the old you has no restraint

Bit through twenty birthday cakes

Been on like fifty first dates

Devastated about all the women I hurt finding my love was actually hate

That's what happens when a whole family mistake bashing for passion

And lasting for captions

They blasting the captives

Trauma is overreacting

And they reach for reactions

Because the pastor was taxing

So their prayers never land like the Jackson's

And they fall back to Jerome

And it takes a poem about a rose

Out the foundations of broken homes

Many of my kin have aged but never grown

In a coma for longer, now spouses are to conquer

Taken for granted back in Concord

Looking down, permanent posture

Been affection imposters

Been passed down for generations

Don't mistake it

Right now I can't escape

This broken home it weighs me down and I

I can't get out

Living in a broken home

Living with a broken soul

All the tears that I own

Are spilled out on the floor

I can't take no more

I pray to the Lord

My family needs the help

Protect me from myself