Changes Lyrics

Sunday Monday and Tuesday I wanted to end it then

Wednesday I tried to leave a suicide note but my pen is dead

I don't know if this is a sign or if I should check my pencil lead

Or if I should take too many of my pills and go lay up in my bed

Growing up I met my dad once maybe that's where all this stems from

And the person I call dad loves me but I know I'm just a stepson

He really is the best so I love him and respect him

But when your biological don't give a fuck it's hard to feel special

Or maybe because I was awkward and I never fit it

I didn't have no other siblings and I didn't like those other children

School seemed ridiculous so I questioned the assignments given

Teachers thought I was stupid and unruly cuz I had my own opinions

I listened, I just didn't always agree with it

Told them I wanted to make music, they said pick something realistic

So since day one I'm going what the fuck is this shit

All I got was a suck it up buttercup and deal with

What do I know about me, I know I need to make some changes

Because all I think about is hurting myself and life is getting dangerous

I think too much I'm paranoid and my brain is always racing

I'm misanthropic hopeless and running from demons that I'm faced with

What do I know about me, I know that I need to make some changes

I overeat and never sleep then get drunk and high until I'm brainless

I've wasted life but I shouldn't throw the towel in before the game ends

I can't make it right but the truth is I just need to make some real changes

Now a years gone by, I had space and time since those treatments

I'm tryna drink less, read a bit and do therapy every other week and

Overall take better care of me and stop feeling so defeated

It's a life long battle but I keep fighting even if I cannot beat it

The ketamine saved me from myself in some respects

I was ready to give it all up and it talked me off a ledge

If suicide is selfish then so is the reason I ain't dead

I know I'd miss you because I really love you all to death

Now it isn't all or nothing and I still fall off track

Truth is it don't matter where it started it only matters where I'm at

And how I make the most of it because this moment never lasts

Mental illness nor my thoughts define me, but how I act

I'm doing what I can, every days an opportunity

I can't blame my past, whatever happens now is what I do to me

Truthfully you might not like my content because it's honest brutally

But there's no denying this, it was written beautifully