Still Scared Lyrics

Man, I don't know if I could do that shit again

Man that first appointment fucking got me shook

It seriously scared the shit out of me

I thought I lost my fucking legs, what kind of shit is that

Man what kind of medical treatment is going on in this facility

Man I guess anything is worth it to not have crazy shit running through my head all day

You know, to be on the verge of feeling like I'm going to have a mental breakdown all the time

I guess I'll try again, fuck it, I just hope I don't piss my pants

It's day two, look up the sky is grey blue

About to knock my mind out it's park like Babe Ruth, stay tuned

I'm still scared from Monday what did they do

Experimental experience is supposed to help me face truth

The first treatment scared me half to death, maybe this gets the other half

Take away my last breath, make me a thing of the past

Everything feels very off, I'm eeyore with the rain cloud

Trying to find me I'm very lost, it's time to let some pain out

Tired of feeling sad and soft, let's go against that grain now

Death seems so much better off, thinking of blowing my brains out

Someone help me please

Yeah man, so I went to the second treatment and it was a lot like the first treatment just less intense

But what I remember the most was the build up of getting myself to go there

And to go through with it again after being so scared the first time

But really that's what's important, right

To keep showing up for yourself and to keep trying to improve your situation

So I guess that's what I thought I was doing

It's day two, look up the sky is grey blue

About to knock my mind out it's park like Babe Ruth, stay tuned

Heavily medicated and still I stay blue

Everyday is a struggle and somehow I push my way through

From the moment my eyes open I start thinking really awful things

My roots are dead and if you cut me down there's too much rot to count my rings

The tree that I should grow to be is dead inside I'm not sure what that means

And my owl flew away, I can't tell you how bad that stings

Lost focus on the better times, I only remember pain

Years of abuse corrupt my mind and I'm stuck in cold November rain

Fantasy and sanity feel like they're becoming one in the same

Meaning I can't tell what's real or fake, I might actually be insane

Medications aren't really working, I wonder if it's Groundhog Day

Sick Kid real life Bill Murray thinking up new ways to die all day

Treatment one was terrifying, I was scared as shit

Woke up still shook the next day thinking that was gonna be it

Like I ain't doing number two, I'm cancelling that bitch

You're out your mind if you think in two weeks I could handle six

Something told me being scared is fine as long as I don't quit

Expand your mind extend your time don't end up under six

Feet of dirt, try to beat this first, live long and reminisce

And know that you were stronger than you thought you were thank god you let you live

Conversations with me inside my brain is always such a trip

Ketamine Infusion Dreams please save me man I'm really sick

Yeah man, so I went to the second treatment and it was a lot like the first treatment just less intense

But what I remember the most was the build up of getting myself to go there

And to go through with it again after being so scared the first time

But really that's what's important, right

To keep showing up for yourself and to keep trying to improve your situation

So I guess that's what I thought I was doing