Retirement Plan Lyrics

My job threw me a party when I turned 65

They thanked me for my service, then expelled me from the hive

It didn't make me sad, I hated everybody there

But now it's time for me to shine, gonna start my new career

I'm gonna be a porn star, the career I've dreamt about

Stream it from my cell phone, gonna let it all hang out

If I work hard, I'll make it big before I'm 85

I would've done it younger, but my family was alive

I wrote a detailed business plan, took it to the bank

I needed about a thousand bucks, the banker called me rank

He told me no one's gonna watch me, wave my parts around

I dropped my pants to show him, but got tackled to the ground

I'm gonna be a porn star, the career I've dreamt about

Stream it from my cell phone, gonna let it all hang out

If I work hard, I'll make it big before I'm 85

I would've done it younger, but my family was alive

So I was on my own, with no money for my budget

If I wanna build my porn career, I'm gonna have to fudget

I stopped off at the hardware store, I only had ten bucks

I bought some rope an eyehook, and a couple wire nuts

I borrowed the neighbor's tripod and a ring light for my scheme

I made a rope swing from my rope, and attached it to a beam

The lights came on I dropped my rope, sat down upon the swing

I twirled around, then the rope broke, I fell and stubbed my thing

The comments started rolling, one said you're a bouncy beast

Another said you're funny, but your lifeline just decreased

More folks started popping in, and someone sent a tip

With the comment, here's a twenty, now show me that pouty lip

I'm gonna be a porn star, the career I've dreamt about

Stream it from my cell phone, gonna let it all hang out

If I work hard, I'll make it big before I'm 85

I would've done it younger, but my family was alive

Now twenty dollars ain't so bad, and I could use the money

Then I got a bright idea, maybe I could make porn funny

I pretended I'd intended, it was all part of the show

Sometimes it's best when things go wrong, to just go with the flow

I'm gonna be a porn star, the career I've dreamt about

Stream it from my cell phone, gonna let it all hang out

If I work hard, I'll make it big before I'm 85

I would've done it younger, but my family was alive

After my retirement, I found a new career

Who knew that falling naked would make so many cheer

Now I'm making slapstick porn, some people say it's corny

Check out my channel when you want a laugh, and when you're feeling horny

I'm gonna be a porn star, the career I've dreamt about

Stream it from my cell phone, gonna let it all hang out

If I work hard, I'll make it big before I'm 85

I would've done it younger, but my family was alive