Painful Memories Lyrics

Through the microscope were demons staring back at me

They're stupid for being cowards, they all attack and leave

Flashback to me, moving on from heavy feelings

Of what I would encounter, but never fully healed, and

Self harm became appealing 'thru hurtful days, it

Would soothe me when my own blood spilled on the pages

Miscommunication would present itself

Between myself and human beings, my kindness was sent to hell

Angry feelings guarded sketches of the real me

Of course I disagreed by saying that I'm still me

Filthy mindset first, the second fact is I'm a jerk

Blame them busters in my past who treated me like dirt

Dirty perks to me were standing under lightning

Disliking who would say, "it'll be alright and keep fighting

When it won't be, and I'm losing battles, slowly

Suffering silently with my painful memories

Painful memories

They're attacking me

My mind is on a jet with misery, they're about to fly back

To my childhood, to fetch for my pain and play catch

Through the years, I was hurt, treated wrong by those

Who promised that they'll never hurt me, but as soon as we got close

Or when things got real, they would bail super fast

Faster than the time that passes, leaving me a shattered glass

It would seem like deja vu to when my parents left me

And ever since then, it seems like that's how the rest be

They test me and I fail by falling for their games

All I see is a heartbroken loser in the frame

Feels impossible to change and feel great about myself

When I constantly degrade, bash, blame, and hate myself

Everything that I've faced would nail me to the coffin in my head

Now I'm feeling suicidal, am I better off dead?

Or is it another episode from my depression?

Meds would hallucinate me, so I won't remember what I said

What I thought of in that moment, but my sinful actions

Were already committed, and I would pretend like nothing happened

So I said, "forget it", knowing I already blew it

There goes another sad moment to explain in my music

Amusement was when it blasted to the world and the ears

Something for others to laugh at, in this world, no one cares

Unless you're in the casket, if I am, will they remember me?

Or forget me and my painful memories?

Painful memories

They're attacking me

Painful memories

They're attacking me

You see, it's a trick to this game that we play

If you're considered a loner, they wouldn't wanna hang with you

But if you was balling, flexing, or profiling, they'll be right there

It's reverse psychology

Them fake phonies don't know what us real folks go through

They'll be quick to judge and bash us in a heartbeat

But when you die, they'll expose their true character

They'll pretend like they was there for you, that they've always cared for you

That they was there 'thru all the bad times in your life

That there is what I've experienced in my whole life

My life is filled with painful memories

So don't worry bout me

Just let my music speak to you

-J