MUSIC TO PRETEND TO LISTEN TO SOMEONE TO Lyrics

I'm sixteen percent aspartame

There's four miles of fog clogging up my brain

I watch ten hours of talk shows every day

I'm twenty-four percent dependant on Novocain

Making friends is easy the old fashioned way

When I see you the good songs start to play

I make mechanical movements all across the room

But when you start to talk the music loses its tune

Don't tell me about your college degree

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

I've got no time for you unless we're talking bout me

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

You spent years at school, I spent years with TV

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

I'm into deeper questions can't you see

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

And your opinions are far beyond driven

You should take a leaf out of my algorithm

We can take a trip together to the great data lake

And marvel at the beauty of computer-based faith

But these topics bring nothing but a simple smile

I was hoping at first you'd be beguiled

By the breadth of my intellect and ample charm

I'm such a nice guy but we've come too far

It takes two to tango but I never dance

We can stand in a corner and develop a romance

Built on a dialogue starring you as myself

And when I get bored I'll just put you back on the shelf so listen

I've had it up to here with your begging please

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

I've got no time for you unless we're talking bout me

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

You spent years at college, I spent years with TV

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

Let's get it over with, you can come and see

Sorry darlin' but you bore the fuck out of me

And it's tragic, how little I care

When you're standing in front of me in your underwear

Intimacy is cool but there's more things to life

Like listening to me pontificate all night

About my fan theories of the extended universe

And the meaning of every Tool song's second verse

Sit down for a minute and listen to me whine

I'll get to your body when I have the time

But I need a mirror first to reaffirm my place

In the boundary between the real world and cyberspace

A subject of god whom we killed and replaced

With a vertical conveyor belt of outraged laced

With facts and fiction all mixed as one

Who needs philosophy when you're having fun?

But you're not listening to me as I recite the prose

Etched into the flesh of my cerebral folds

Hidden knowledge now revealed you are subject to

Just don't ask about the gilded Redditor who

I plagiarized it from but just give me a break

I could have figured it out if I wasn't busy getting baked

But you mock and taunt me by standing there

Wish you'd open your mouth and catch me unawares

But you bite your lip and make an excuse

Just another Friday night as a terminal recluse