Tear In The Spacetime Perineum Lyrics

Did you ever hear the tragedy of

Tearing your dick in twain during intercourse?

No

I thought not

It's not a story the Jedi would tell you

He's got three balls

Yeah, this man is cursed by god

Ignore the stitches, I'm just here to grant a couple wishes

Potato knishes, I'm a rat boy but I'm not a genius

Call me by your vibe and you'll have to call me "quite pernicious"

I'm in the depths of space, catching solar fishes

I'm not an angler, I'm an angel, call me biblical

I'm like a three-balled alien, extra-terresticle

I've been locked out of the system, and you know best of all

Not even mad because now I'm fucking celestial

He's so deformed from the radiation

Floating in space with a torn perineum

Eternal damnation

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

So deformed from the radiation

Floating in space with a torn perineum

Eternal damnation

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

I am the Matthew McConaughey of sex

(Alright, alright, alright)

Legend says, I cum in twelve parsecs

Went to the clinic, and I got my checks

Caught 'em all

Like it's a fucking Pokédex

But I jest

I'm actually pretty clean

You can call me average but you cannot call me mean

There's no sheen

To a bloodless lustre

I may not bust in her but I wield this buster

He's so deformed from the radiation

Floating in space with a torn perineum

Eternal damnation

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

So deformed from the radiation

Floating in space with a torn perineum

Eternal damnation

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

So what are you doing out here, all alone

Floating by yourself

In this vast emptiness of space

Well, you see I- as- well, as you can see I've-

You've torn your perineum

Yeah, yep, yeah

You'd be surprised how often this happens in outer space

Well, not usually with um, a black hole

You've torn it with a black hole

Yeah, just ripped it right off

Wait, a black hole that specifically took your perineum

Yeah, just my- look, I'm probably lucky to be alive

Aww, you'd be surprised how often this happens

I'm- I'm happy

We'll get you a new perineum

Uh, cool, well can you get me home

You got money

No

That's- you can't even get a perineum, mate

I guess I'm fucked