Chapter Three Lyrics

We had just broken out

Of the earth's atmosphere

When Jimbo launched a fart

With the half life of a year

He rolled down the window

And was sucked out into space

Jay jumped back and rolled it up

While watching Jimbo's face

We were sure he was dead

But at least he went drunk

Imagine our surprise

When he climbed inside the trunk

We were on our way to Mars

Another journey to the stars

We'd escaped the ancient past

Hoping our supplies would last

And exactly 9 months later

With an empty fridgerator

Touched down on Martian soil

Praying we wouldn't freeze or boil

When the red dust finally settled

We were pleasantly surprised

To see Martians walking everywhere

Right before our eyes

There were red Martians, green Martians

White Martians too

And a weird little dude who said

Earth shattering KABOOM

There were fat Martians, skinny Martians

Martians short and tall

There were so many that

We couldn't chronicle them all

They all seemed friendly

And they offered us a drink

We looked at one another

But Jimbo didn't blink

He was on a second round

Before we started on our first

But I will admit, nine months in space

Creates an awful thirst

The drinking did commence

And the party carried on

After a while I got up

And went looking for the John

I found Jon Osterman, John Carter

And J'onn J'onzz and his bride

But I couldn't find a toilet

So I had to go outside

As I relieved myself

On the dusty Martian ground

I heard rumblings and mumblings

And so I turned around

Standing there behind me

It seemed the entire Martian race

Was so outraged by my puddle

They sent us right back into space

They were nice enough to load us up

With food and drink to store

But their message was quite clear

Don't come around here no more

They gave us lots of fuel

And a bunch of goodies for us

Including pinup pictures

Of some chick named Dejah Thoris

They sent us off quite well

Despite my big faux pas that day

Now Olympus Mons approaches

Beneath the suns cool rays

We lift off from the surface

And look back at old Barsoom

As we hear a loud explosion

A Mars shattering kaboom

I knew that guy was flaky

Thank the stars I had to pee

Or this could have been the end for us

And not merely Chapter 3