Being Honest Lyrics

I have got thoughts that I suppress

My own nature I resist

One of the things that I'm obsessed

With is how my mind persists

If only I could take forceps

Through my cortex I'd urge this

My verses

Reveals blood in my veins courses

With cyanide in midst

First drink till last will be toxins

No I didn't check these boxes

Had no options

Banished dismissed

Guidance vanished

Mom and dad worked with what they had

But good didn't outweigh the bad

Fragile mask that lie didn't last

Good people with a troubled past

Had kids fast now we pay the tab

Dad talks like no one can match

Eyes for the one behind the glass

Mom doesn't always have my back

Keeps piling things till they collapse

Not speaking on siblings behalf

But the scars make this shit relapse

I think I'm inherently better and I know that it's wrong

But that doesn't change the roots that I grew on

Ego

Tells me I'm the goat try to veto

It sweeps my feet low

Please know I gave seeds sown

These flows

Ice like freeze cold but I can revoke

I hate these parts of me

Urging me with upmost certainty

Currently telling me unequivocally

I am a masterpiece Hey!

Narcissism's

One of my Rhythms If I de- Sync 'em

Check off that light it might happen that I

Think I'm

Different

Blink I'm

Gone you won't

Hear from

Me look at my eyes then spy all the lies

Brink of

That which I

Hid from

My darkest

Traits from

Coming outside when I'm speaking my mind

Ink glove

Coming off

Bring up

My name go

Speak up

False truth but I'd advise you keep lips tied

They say family comes first

Is it wrong that I don't agree?

Like my friends could die and I

Would prolly have more to grieve

Don't like hearing compliments

Because my ego it feeds

Don't want the consequences

Don't wanna hear it let me speak!

This is me being honest

So stay silent that's all I need

Every trauma that you caused

Either accident or purposely

Remember in the end that

I'm still tortured by what I keep

All I want to feel is safe

Never had that feeling

And now I can't ever face

The problems that always chase

Only ever wanted safe

For my brain to be that place

When my heart increases rate

The comfort is all I crave it breaks

Berates mental state replace the pain I can't take

Being honest all I ever wanted was to feel safe

Put value in trust

Then trust funds were stolen from my safe

I guess I couldn't afford it

Now I'm feeling cornered

All I want is to feel safe

(Never had But I never had)

Never had that feeling save

(And no body I had no body)

And nobody got my back

(Just some knives Only couple knives)

Just some knives when I was stabbed

If I'm being honest all I want to feel is safe

I thought I was getting better

But the fog is getting thicker

Each breath is getting quicker

And the faster I wither

I used to look up now

I'm looking down for something that slithers

When things were enough

Before we all learned to lie and stay bitter

Hard hitter

Falling back into old habits I drift to the vacuum

Going backwards a classic

Bad show I hit resume

Calling back an ex's damage

Just to receive abuse

An old sack that's my canvas

I am stuck in a loop

With a black brush to access

Rather hung by a noose

But that's nothing new

I'm unbeatable in self sabotage don't need an entourage

To make me take a pause

Anxiety an unending barrage hidden by catasto

-Phic thoughts that play connect the dots

Not a watch could keep the time I lost

I wish it ends and cross my heart hope to die

I sought fatal shot desperately need triage

Aware I burn my gauze my recent mistakes just

Xeroxed the chaos my new but old routine

When will I learn that I ain't getting outta this

Till I'm under the dirt

Ain't that absurd

How I feed myself each and every lie that's on earth

And I ask for desert

Forever unable to cope with the simple words "I need help"

Can't be heard so I hide it and cry it out alone

Cause that's what I think it means to be grown

Beneath surface so nervous never shown

But I fracture like glass hit with a stone

Feel I don't even belong in my home

My blood coursing through me's foreign my cells my bones

I don't feel like I can call them my own

Surround me with family still feel alone

Good examples weren't samples we were shown

Broken family now go make your own

(Your own)

All I want to feel is safe

Never had that feeling

And now I can't ever face

The problems that always chase

Only ever wanted safe

For my brain to be that place

When my heart increases rate

The comfort is all I crave it breaks

Berates mental state replace the pain I can't take

Being honest all I ever wanted was to feel safe

Put value in trust

Then trust funds were stolen from my safe

I guess I couldn't afford it

Now I'm feeling cornered

All I want is to feel safe

(Never had But I never had)

Never had that feeling save

(And no body I had no body)

And nobody got my back

(Just some knives Only couple knives)

Just some knives when I was stabbed

If I'm being honest all I want to feel is safe

I know my brother gonna be leaving soon

You deserve to know why I was so damn rude

It's cause I see too much of myself in you

It is all my fault we didn't have a truce

I appreciate everything that you do

I'm still sorry just know that I love you too

I've said what I've said just leave it absent

Let me be honest without the consequence