Mystery Lyrics

I've got a lot to learn I don't know the proper terms

But my bottom's full of lots of worms that often squirm

At night I toss and turn as they froth and churn

Plus they smell like bird droppings and rotten ferns

When I show him you should see how pale the doctor turns

His nod confirms that it's okay that I've got concerns

He says before I lick my fingers I've gotta wash off the germs

But I told him to lick my dick and drink the drops of sperm

I'm not an obnoxious nerd or a gamer

But I'm your smelly awkward neighbour like when Jerry talks to Kramer

So do us all a favour and call the ranger

'Cause I just made my basement into a torture chamber

My balls have an awesome flavour that you're sure to savour

You saw the razor but not the saw or taser

Now I'm listening to Morbid Angel or to Slayer

While I force your brains into a small container

Skipping around like a gentle elf

I'm pretending not to be worried about my mental health

When I get stressed I tend to yell and then to yelp

However the fuck that's meant to help

I went to hell but I forgot my suitcase

I didn't have any food so I had to scoff my toothpaste

Satan said you won't escape I've locked my huge gates

But I shot him in the crotch and watched his cock fly through space

I'm two-faced I try to disguise

That I ain't the nicest of guys tell your shy and deprived

Wife that I have arrived it's time for her thighs to divide

And I'll be kind of surprised if her vagina survives

Inside of my mind is a violent storm

When I feel quite forlorn and wonder why I was born

I visualise your corpse all sliced and torn

Then I smile and feel nice and warm

Why is life such a mystery

No one's assisted me or loved me unconditionally

I don't know what my problem is specifically

But I seem to malfunction unpredictably

Admittedly I wish my life had turned out differently

I keep shitting on myself like a kid with dysentery

I like that your mum sucks my dick for free

But once she's done she always tries to give a little kiss to me

Additionally what are the chances statistically

That I'll start to act any less despicably

How can I live blissfully with all these irresistibly

Addictive things glistening deliciously

Plus how much of a dipshit can your sister be

I said she was a dickhead she stared at me fixedly

She said words can't hurt her she kept telling me persistently

So I hit her in the head with a dictionary