The Tuna Schooner Lyrics

Got your number on the wall

Said to call if I wanna have a good time

So I called you on the phone

You said that you would like to fornicate and grind me

I got a little chubby at the thought

So I headed to the bar where Jack goes

Met you down at the Regal Beagle

Too bad your labia look like the feet of Smeagol

Smells like Gollum stepped in tuna

Maybe he worked upon a schooner

I got to talking with you

You said I was handsome – YOLO

I tipped my hat and said I know

Just like I was Han Solo

Frozen in Carbonite

Which is half as hard as you said you'd make me

You whispered in my ear

I could smell beer on your breath so take me

Take me down to the Regal Beagle

Too bad your labia look like the feet of Smeagol

Smells like Gollum stepped in tuna

Maybe he worked upon a schooner

When the Riders of Rohan come charging to the gates

And you open Gondor to a thousand horny mates

Don't let them throw you to the Orcs, my dear

You'll wind up with a thousand dorks charging from the rear

And when my love for you explodes like the fires of Mt. Doom

And the bartender says Hey you two go get a room

We'll smoke some pipeweed

And eat ten bowls of choice Kaboom

And then we'll take off all our clothes

So I can rampage in your womb

That's how we flow

So sticky like your buns

I'd like to rotate around you

Like a thousand burning suns

Wrote your number on the wall, said to call if you

Want to have a good time

And get sucked off by the Blow Job Queen

I know that you appreciate the tip I left

Inside your butthole, Darling

Weren't you impressed by my use of Vaseline

Met you down at the Regal Beagle

Too bad your labia look like the feet of Smeagol

Smells like Gollum stepped in tuna

Maybe he worked upon a schooner

The Regal Beagle

The feet of Smeagol