Mystery

I've got a lot to learn I don't know the proper terms

But my bottom's full of lots of worms that often squirm

At night I toss and turn as they froth and churn

Plus they smell like bird droppings and rotten ferns

When I show him you should see how pale the doctor turns

His nod confirms that it's okay that I've got concerns

He says before I lick my fingers I've gotta wash off the germs

But I told him to lick my dick and drink the drops of sperm

I'm not an obnoxious nerd or a gamer

But I'm your smelly awkward neighbour like when Jerry talks to Kramer

So do us all a favour and call the ranger

'Cause I just made my basement into a torture chamber