You Can't Sing Love Songs with a Cockney Accent Lyrics

You can see me every night darn the booozah

Jack the lad just propping up the bar

Givin' it the banter, Knockin' back the ale

Eyeing up all the local tarts

I've got all the techniques and the manoeuvres

Those chat up lines just roll off the tongue

And I don't 'ave any trouble pullin' them birds

And you know we'll be between the sheets before too long

But there is one fing I must beware of

And must at all costs not do that fing

Otherwise before you know it I'm gonna go and blow it

Directly I open mi marf and sing

Cos yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

To put it bluntly it just won'y work

No yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

You'll end up sounding like a total berk

She won't appreciate yer serenade

If ya sarnd like Chas n' Dave

It just one of those fings what carn't be done

I can sell a used car yer know and snow to Eskimos

Wheel and deal until the kaas come 'ome

Drive mi motah rarnd the arzes in mi designer trarziz

And shart abart it darn mi mobile dog n' bone

But if yer wants a really good larf

At the fings what come arta mi marf

As I blow mi chances clean clean away

Cos when I sings Love me Tender

It just sarnds like Dot Cotton artav Eastenders

As I wave mi street cred goodbye

Cos yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

Though Billy Bragg 'as give it 'is best shot

No yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

Do I like that Not a lot

She won't appreciate yer serenade

If ya sarnd like Chas n' Dave

It just one of those fings what carn't be done

Now the Frenchman 'e will say madame onshontay

And that Inglaysius geezer seem to do OK I guess

But the Cockney can't compare with that continental flare

When 'e sez "C,m 'ere gal, ave a banana

So if yer want the moral of the story

Just stick to what you're good at and feel prard

Don't venture in them places where yer lack the necessary social graces

Yer'll just be diggin' yerself a' 'ole in the grarnd

Cos yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

Those dulcet tones will never melt 'er 'art

Even if she comes from Essex

No yer carn't sing lovesongs wiv a cockney accent

Do me a favour. son leave it art

She won't appreciate yer serenade

If ya sarnd like Chas n' Dave

It just one of those fings what carn't be done

Though me 'art is filled with desire

Sixty four firemen manning fourteen appliances carn't put out that fire

It's just one of those fings what carn't be done

So I've postulated me eyepofessis and now I rest mi case

It's just one of those fings what carn't be done