Stick Those Jingle Bells Lyrics

Carolers came knocking, so I turned off the lights

But they sang through the door, ruining my night

I'll blast some Slayer to save my ears

From these caroling clowns and their holiday jeers

It's the season of waste, with wrapping galore

Piles of junk flooding every store

I don't need your socks, your candles, or mugs

Screw this holiday; I couldn't give less fucks

Fuck you and your candy canes, your stockings, and your cheer

That fat cookie-eating bastard isn't welcome here

Every tone-deaf caroler can go straight to hell

You know where to stick those fucking jingle bells

Santa sits on his throne, judging naughty or nice

While he breaks into homes like a thief in the night

He's drunk on eggnog, high on cookies and cream

This jolly fat man is just a capitalist scheme

Fuck you and your candy canes, your stockings, and your cheer

That fat cookie-eating bastard isn't welcome here

Every tone-deaf caroler can go straight to hell

You know where to stick those fucking jingle bells

(Merry Christmas) Go to hell

(Happy Hanukkah) Go fuck yourself

(Happy Kwanzaa) Kiss my ass

(Happy) No fucking thanks

Fuck you and your candy canes, your stockings, and your cheer

That fat cookie-eating bastard isn't welcome here

Every tone-deaf caroler can go straight to hell

You know where to stick those fucking jingle bells

You know where to stick those fucking jingle bells