Ain't what it seems Lyrics

I'm trying to write my story don't know where to begin

Pick up the pen and ink flows but no thoughts in my head

Scatterbrained I dragged back-and-forth across the page

But I'm not saying anything. I think I'm insane

When I was little, my parents would talk about "in my book"

Confused I asked about it, they said we all got one Filling pages, There's no narrative where I look

If I dictate the plot and pacing this ain't got none

Novelty wore off finding it hard to evolve

Focus on myself, so I don't often get involved

Hardly any XP difficulty unsurprising

Burning gaze on my pad till it somehow receive writing

If I was any good, I wouldn't even need to write it

Self doubt, creeping it, scream louder than a riot

Try to act cool, but everything ain't what it seems Prone to mood swings internal stress behind the scenes

Tension, pressure on the seams start to tear at the fabric

Grandma sew it back yeah she work like magic

Cookies, clothes, and coral yeah, she got it all packin

Need a bedtime story she got the books stacking

Can only think of three others can say are as unique

I hate to be selfish, I wish one of them was me

But all I see in the mirror is all the ugly parts

Of all the people that just so happen to be closest to me

But why I think such ugly things, why I act in ugly ways

Why I feel so fucking different every single fucking day

Not comfy with most people so I don't communicate

Shit my notebook know me better than anybody I can say

Still, it's closeness, that I crave feel I lack intimacy

Can't help but feel lonely, maybe codependency

Maybe don't deserve it yo I chased it all away

It may not ever come back I just got to rely on me

And it don't matter what I write how much I cook up late at night

I can never seem to find how I can fill this pit inside

Wanna run up to the roof and throw my voice across the valley

Wanna yell so fucking loud that you can hear this shit in Cali

Manic, going crazy, shaking, acting like a fiend

I just want to tell somebody how the fuck I'm feeling

But people try control me whenever I open up

Vulnerable to influence, so I shut the fuck up

Why else you think I'm so quiet hardly ever talk or speak

Shit, I'd rather stay silent, I know no one's listening

Interrupt me, one more time to say some shit about your life

We won't talk or speak again until the end of your life

I ain't passive aggressive I protect my energy by any means

Slowly inch away, put distance in between

Ride my own wave high tide, got to do it alone

I'll forever be this way it seems the sea my new home

Only glid upon the surface never put on scuba gear

Tried to get deep used to swim away in fear

Been diving with you, and slowly became obsessed

You showed me treasures of the ocean that were hidden in the depths

All the beauty that's inside I hadn't ever felt so free

Soon you'll be swallowed by current, Neptune don't take her from me

But it don't matter what I say how much I plead and hope and pray

Cause when our time is up, everyone gon fall prey

So just gotta keep it pushing from now for eternity

Life is constant suffering moving's the only way to numb the pain

Feel so insane but someday this gonna end up differently

Had to make a change so life fulfilled by time I'm in the grave

Gotta stay present, so I don't miss the gifts I got

Gotta keep going it don't feel good to stop

Once I burn to ashes and my soul rise to the top

I'll be deemed the master lasting impact on this rock