A SAD BOY'S JOURNAL Lyrics

Here I am again, reporting to my book of homage

I thought I stuffed down all the demons, but they're back to punish

It's hard to move when there's a mental block in every comment

Punching, poking, prodding, acknowledging that I got a problem

I guess that's just the start of my life

Went from seeking all acceptance, till it couldn't be mine

Eventually, I paved a way to make it work for the time

And now I'm back here, sitting helpless, with the pain by my side

I tried to survive

Wrote a thousand records

I tried to make a way for me to out this fucking anger inside

It seems like everyday I fought to make it work, till it died

And now the ghost is living aimlessly inside of my mind

The pocketed eye

Writing for the fuel to fire

Didn't matter what you thought, because I hated it

Why?

Passed the trembling

I learned again to make it to life

And now I'm back here with the questions that began this whole fight

Never felt so irrelevant

Tripping over arrogance

The same fucking goals in my mind to make it embarrassment

I've been a lot of things, but I never thought an embarrassment

I use these fucking beats as a mask, and you as my therapist

Yeah, here I am again recording all my dark emotions

I figured by now, I'd be satisfied, and not need this coping

I'm only strong when distractions outweigh the very motives talking in my ear

Trying to tell me I'm nothing but a comic

It's funny not dealing with it and running

Just betting on my life, while I scramble to feeling something

Laying there in darkness, while focusing on just one thing

That temporary pain is the first step to feeling nothing

Blinded by the pain and the darkness I never dealt with

Emotions are running faster than life, and I can't replenish

When my mind is fucking gone, and my thoughts are only just ending

Invested in too much, now my passion is slowly denting

Tryna search and find the answer to something that isn't vested

Infested inside with demons that never give up possession

Repressing all that I can before everything makes me breathless

I'm hoping I can find what I'm looking for in the ending