Whatever Lyrics

I hate to say it but I'm back on my old shit

Curled up, drinking wine in my basement

Hiding out buried in stress

And avoiding everybody that I've ever met

And that means you too

There's no exception when I'm in this mood

I only build to blow it up

Now watch me self destruct

I found a dark hole, gotta climb out

Find a foot hold and some steady ground

See your silhouette through the kitchen clouds

In the back beat when you're not around

I heard it all crawling through the grape vine

You're happy with yours

I'm happy with mine

I'm not mad this ended

I'm just sad

I think I lost my best friend

And I'll admit that I miss my old demons

Crying on the floor, six drinks in

Avoiding hope in the exorcism

I'm more productive when I give in

They won't admit to the paradigm

Or how they love it when we cry

Low key encouraging the end times

(Why?)

We love an artist that wants to die

(Oh my God, did she say that?)

(That's like, so fucking cringe)

(Oh my God, I think she did - Is she okay?)

It's still a dark hole, and I need out

No sunlight, just the darkest clouds

So strong that my head feels heavy now

Always waiting

Always weighing down

I'm playing back memories in real time

It doesn't look like me

Or my life

Have you ever felt all the good shift

And realized you ruined it?

You ruined it

You ruined, cause you ruin

So here's a shout out to everyone that lived through 2020

When half our friends? They didn't make it

Hope was smaller than the body

Counting down the days 'til we could be in the same place

Yet when that moment came I only hid myself further away

But fuck you to the people who said that I "missed my moment"

In 2021 I took my story back and someone stole it

I'd rather be a self proclaimed suicide queen than

A victim who's stuck in between again

On a platform, only trying to get better

When they called me a "survivor" I never felt like surviving

And it always felt fraudulent

And it always felt confusing

My favorite part of the plan has always been the end

My favorite of the plan is ruining it

My favorite part of the plan is ruined.