things I can't say in therapy Pt. 1

You can't sit here and tell me this shit's easy because it's not,I'm not looking for your sympathy I really just need someone to talk to

You don't have to say a word in fact your silence is preferred, I don't need you to try to fix this put down your papers and your pen this is supposed to be therapy not a lyric making session I won't show signs of aggression towards anybody else I just struggle to love myself and I need help not confinement locking me away isn't going to revise this I guess you could try it but I really don't advise it

I need to vent I just can't cope I spit out words then later choke, I know there's things I just can't say do you care to see the memories that replay, over and over a million times a porch set on fire thoughts of suicide but I couldn't kill myself because this shit is deeper than the knife I would have used to cut held to my throat I've had enough I scream inside I call your bluff because I don't do the dishes tonight you say I'm not worthy of your love good thing your judgment doesn't matter when God says that I'm enough

There's so many things I just can't say without the fear of being locked away but if you heard the pain residing deep inside would you proceed with what you're doing or would you break down and cry

Therapy is meant to help I'm leaning in unraveling myself, I'm breaking down all of these walls what are they made from will they fall do you really care at all or is the dollar amount for an hour way too small you say wrap the wound and they'll dissolve that telling stories solves nothing at all

Prescribe a pill I will abuse not because I take too much but because I'll take too few, you say this medication shall do but you underestimate what I've been through,I've been abused since I was two, wet my pants and was beaten blue take a shower there's shampoo poured it right inside my eyes do it again when I'd cry, that's not even the shit my parents did that's just the fucking beginning was so innocent I thought saying the word sex was me sinning it left my head spinning but they thought they were winning by leaving me behind to witness all the time they were spending, screaming shouting drinking drowning then they'd tell me I would never end up surmounting to anything at all they'd cause my pain then just watch the tears fall, start it all again the saddest shit is that this ain't even the half of it all

You don't have to say a word in fact your silence is preferred, I don't need you to try to fix put down your papers and your pen this is supposed to be therapy not a lyric making session I won't show signs of aggression, towards anybody else I just struggle to love myself, and I need help not confinement locking me away isn't going to revise this I guess you could try it but I really don't advise it