Promises I Can't Keep

I promised I would kill myself before I turned 18, I didn't know a life outside the house that I lived

And when the time came it seemed, that it was just another dream, to live a life in a world where I thought I was free

But I fucked up, I got scared, and I told an adult, I was put into the psych ward without another way out

I was 16, ambitious, with my sights to the sky, I knew that I needed help to leave before I died

In this household, where my mother didn't want any help, and my dad would have these tantrums that we put on the shelf

And when it hit me, I remember that I only saw red - I never fought back, afraid that I would only be dead

I thought the only option that I had was murder suicide, and by the day I turned 18 I would kill them - and I

Kill me in a way I won't survive

I'm still alive