Waiting Your Whole Life For Something Just For It To Make Your Life Worse Than It Already Was Lyrics

Despite what everyone said, I still couldn't see it

Apparently it was normal, supposedly

No one ever made a big deal about it

No one even really mentioned it unless they saw it

But you want what you can't have, no matter how big or small

So I never stopped looking

I've been everywhere, seen everything

Dreaming days and focused nights

And well, I had given up a lot of times

So I tried to accept that, I am the only one with this problem

So the chances of it dissipating is too big of a number to say out loud

But that never meant that it wouldn't go away

Because it never did

Every time I saw the planes go by at night

Seeing the reflection of it on the silver wing

It challenged my acceptance

Gave me hope in those 13 seconds

Where I could see a part of what everyone else could see too

That hope never died

Like an infected tattoo that would stay itchy and red until I did something about it

It was a constant reminder for what I could maybe see one day

When I saw it for the first time

It didn't take my breath away

It didn't make me cry, I didn't say oh wow

But the feeling of relief I had gotten from first seeing it

Toppled any sensical reaction or emotion

I was still, I doubt I even blinked

The eternity I sat there for felt too quick to be real

It was magnifying, I couldn't strip my eyes from it

It wouldn't be until I finally had to look away

That I could even attempt to make sense of what I had seen

The only way I could describe it is it was it was

Movie like to be full, the waning of its shape was almost a relief

My whole being surrounded the sight of this very thing

And it took away the true essence of its purpose to me

And I hate myself for it, no I- I don't know

My immediate thoughts have nothing to do with it only me

Because that very thing had become me

Despite us having nothing to do with each other in the first place

It's not it's fault I mean I did this

But I was angry that it wasn't the euphoric sight I built it up to be

But it isn't euphoric and has never been euphoric

It simply is