But I Can Carry You Lyrics

How dull it feels

Whatever ran me through my bones, lungs, and soul

You can try to warm a body and only get so far

At the bottom of a stand-in shower, with water raining down

Pretending to be far away

For a moment, I was offworld

On a journey not unlike our own

Bedtime prayers in otherworldly homes

I do not speak when I'm here, except to the visions

Always finding my comfort in sedation, feels better to be unaware

Yeah, don't we all just love it?

I swear to you, when I open my mouth

I can feel the poison getting in

I'm afraid I have to leave you behind now

You would know best that this world is not my home

And I realize that whole time, I was escaping from you

We all carried these burdens for so long

But it slips off my back with a thunderous roar

Why didn't we ask questions?

Because we were told we couldn't

"You keep that mouth shut"

At the age of three years it took ahold of me

And it held me for too long - I begged it to go free

Always idolizing novels of sacrifice

"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you"

A physical and mental cross for a child

I can't carry you anymore

No more compulsions and repeated prayers

Deprived of sleep and agency

No more Devil's deep voice in the night

You want to view me as a statistic? That's fine

But I still cannot drink your water, or wine

Like they did in propaganda books that once filled my mind

I have crossed over the the other side

I felt most alone, laying limp your arms

Though you held me, it was YOUR weight that I bore

"Die to yourselves," we almost did

But that's a drop in the bucket to a fucked-up church kid

If these are my last words that I'm speaking

Will you take them? Will you keep them?

I've written many songs asking you why

But I never wrote you one to simply say goodbye

The words spill out like Judas' insides

When he kissed you, betrayed you, and then ran off to die

Superstar on the keys, sad, smothered, and "bought,"

Turned out as more of a side role than I thought

At the risk of congealing, I am splitting from Lot

I have no space for the gatekeeping that came with my cross

Dipped in a river, raging and deep

Begging for that Second Sleep

I held your words, they buried me

It is finished, I am free