Magician Lyrics

I am a woman of many talents

The Fay Presto of all trades if you will

Book and street sense

Can make some dollars off 6 cents

Turn a bag of beans into a succulent

Home cooked meal

Replenish what you lack

I can

Go get it and come back with it

I can make a King out a Jack

Now doesn't that sound like a magician

The greatest trick I've ever pulled was

Convincing myself that my trauma did not exist

Suppression became a ritual

I would be performing burials

Burying things so deeply

I'm no longer sure if they were even reality

Did that really even happen to me

Must be magic

Some things were just too unbelievable

Too hard to conceive

So I would craft illusions in my mind

You are what you believe

Perception

Foreseeing Predictions that prophesy periods

Of being held Prisoner to the Hocus-Pocus

Did I mention I was a magician

Like when I was 19

I lied about having an abortion

Because the truth

That I beat my stomach

Repeatedly

Like the drums

That led the rhythm of my feet

As I tiptoed on hell's fire

Tried to pray the pregnancy up out of me

Kept chanting

God I promise if you just do this one thing

I'll never ask for anything again

Who knew I was a mage

Creator of spells

You witches just using em

I poured almost a cap-full of Bleach

Into my Dr Pepper

I sipped that vinegar

This is murder

I mean magic

Like Poof be gone

I can make a baby disappear

Sacrificed my first unborn

For what I thought was a better life

Deception

I mean magic

This is tragic

Maybe that's why He wouldn't save

My baby at 28

June 29th 2015 I was staring in the toilet

At this fetal positioned shaped thing

It just fell right up out of me

The cramping and the bleeding

Overpowered the life that was conjuring

I lived through the death of me

Abracadabra

Now I'm over 33 and I'm just now realizing

I am controlling

Because I thought the worst things

That happened to me were out of my control

When in reality

It was my sleight of hand

And the way deceit slipped off my tongue

That cursed me

I am that powerful

And it's frightening

This is not Blasphemy

Must be magic

I mean

I would literally go for men

That I knew were no good

Just so I could have a reason to quit

I would sabotage relationships

Then turn around and pray

For a God fearing man

Then all the men started fearing

The God that I am

Damn

Well Let there be lightening

All smoke and mirrors

So I can paint the prettiest pictures

I don't want to see my reflection

Did I mention

I was a magician

I'd rather pull a rabbit out of a hat

And now that that cat's out the bag

I have something up my sleeve

Of all the things I'm capable of

I can't make you love me

Right now I'm talking to me

The relationship you have with yourself

Is the most complicated

Because you can't just up and walk away from you

You have to deal with every flaw

You have to mend every scar

You have to find a way to love you

Even where you're disgusted with yourself

Even though everyone thinks you're someone else

Now you see me

No you don't