All I Want for Christmas (Is to Kick Your Ass) Lyrics

I don't want a Malibu Barbie

I don't want a fifth of Bacardi

I don't want an all-inclusive holiday

I don't want the monogrammed slippers

Or Gucci gold plated fingernail clippers

I just want a taste of that revenge sorbet

The wind howls, the snow will fall,

But my red rage won't mind

Keeps me warm when it's twenty below

And I just think that you oughta know

All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass

Then everything will be okay

If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face

It'd be a perfect holiday

Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice

We'll have to wait and see

But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass

I'll be happy

I wish I could be aloof and satiric

To keep more with the holiday spirit

Write something droll and get on NPR

But my mind, consumed by the anger,

Knows I have to roll with the danger

My forgiveness isn't gonna reach that far

So St. Nick can strike my name

I'll take my lump of coal

'Cause my wish list is one item long

It's to give you a punch in the dong

All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass

Then everything will be okay

If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face

It'd be a perfect holiday

Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice

We'll have to wait and see

But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass

I'll be happy

Yes, if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass

I'll be happy