I Now Fear Deviance Lyrics

Involuntarily hospitalized, I am alone in a locked room

A holding cell for the freaks

Physical symptoms of stress, an apathetic view on life

Cue a hotline calling ambulances heading to my place

Not a choice to be made, just the time to get ready

I am put into a holding cell with screams surrounding me

And the nurses come and go, there's no doctor to be seen

Symptoms worsening, as I remain still locked up in a cell

Been some hours now, some guy's been staring me down

Screams resound as all the patients try to prove they're not insane

And I shut my mouth, I hug my knees in the corner

With my back to the wall, I don't feel safe here at all

If I was able to fight it, if I was strong enough to run

I begin to shake, as I wish I were anywhere but here

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!

I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams!

All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee

When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze

And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back!

Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear

When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee

I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

"Calm down, take some more medicine"

"There is no space in the other wards, and you're unwell"

I look up to the nurse, the hard glint's still in my eyes

If they were really here to help me, I would not be locked up

I do not trust in their actions, they have no trust in me

Fed with sedatives I hide away and cry beyond their sight

But I can't scream for help, I always feared the retribution

If I go out of line, I'll be insane in their eyes!

What next? More drugs? Or higher security?

With no option to speak, I can only listen

Double-locked metal doors, no explanation or a reason

Concrete walls and plastic windows suffocate me here

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!

I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams!

All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee

When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze

And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back!

Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear

When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee

I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

I'm allowed to leave, the doctor's signed I'm good to go

Shaking under my skin, I smile, reading his notes

As I read my new prescription, just a higher dose

I write off the possibility, of ever coming back

I pull up my mask, and take a taxi back home

I've been writing this the moment I had given myself a chance

Institutionalized, I now fear deviance

I balance on a thread that they call social normalcy

If I fall, no one can catch me

Yet I'm scared to ask for help, I am scared, I am scared and alone

So if I get out of here, if I reach the end alive

I will look back on this day and wonder how I survived

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!

I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams!

All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee

When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze

And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back!

Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear

When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee

I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

Involuntarily hospitalized, I am alone in a locked room

A holding cell for the freaks

There is no freedom for monsters

There is no use for the weak