Flat Jim Lyrics

My name James but you can call me Jim

Or if it suit me why not call me friend

Because I can tell y'all are honest folk

Being that I come from a long line of honest men

The family surname is Solomon

Our line of work is foundations

Been in business since way back when

Paved the way for a mighty handsome reputation

Specialty's concrete and cement

Expertise is the basement

But we done tennis courts and copter pads

So if it's flat give us a call, we can probably make it happen

To no surprise there's a constant ringing

Growth today the phone keep singing

Tapers off round 4 or 5

So imagine my surprise that night I get a call at 1AM

I grab receiver yell, "who the hell is this?"

Woman's voice says, "Hello is this Jim?"

"No it ain't don't call here again!"

She said, "wait one hot minute Mr. Solomon,

I'm calling you all the way from the Wheel of Fortune"

I said, "you got any clue what time it is?"

She say, "Congratulations you're our next contestant"

"Listen here I want no part of this!"

She said, "now Jim, I hear you've got a way with words

And you can win some serious cash"

There is one thing I forgot to mention

When I walked you through my heritage

My family tree we ain't just hard working

We're also highly educated, polymathic bookworms,

Hyper-literate wordsmiths

True I been laying floor since age of ten

Just like my Pa and his before him

So it probably do not make sense

When I say we're 9-to-5 down to earth

Blue collar librarian

The trowel is my main instrument

But now and again I'll wield a pen

Sit down at the writing desk

and smooth out a story, essay, maybe even a poem

Been told my gift is heaven sent

So when I hear this Fortune wheel nonsense

Is more or less a game of hangman

I no doubt I can win, drive into town,

And take the next red eye flight to Los Angeles

This is the beginning of the end

Don't play with loaded gun

You'll start to be undone

Consider this a warning

The game is already won

Don't fly too close to the sun

Sure enough that's just what happened

I gave the wheel a big old spin

On the final round I hit 10,000

and solved the puzzle with the letter "N"

I made a fool out of the competition

There that day on the Television

You won't believe what I done win

But a round-trip luxury resort cruise line

To Bermuda with base jumping and sky diving

Long story short I'm now highly addicted

To the extreme sport of parachuting

I learned of the rush of adrenaline

Been thrill seeking, paratrooping, crash landing since

Planes ain't cheap even to rent

Quickly my prize money it came and went

Sold my car and I sold my house

But it wasn't enough, I got so desperate I called my Italian friend

I said, "Vinny please won't you loan me some cash?

One last jump then I'll quit after that"

He said, "Jim, you're family you don't have to ask-

Just do me a favor and hide these body bags"

By this point I was in over my head

Said after this dive no never again

So I packed up my gear in the middle of night

Arranged the airplane and went about burying the dead

Took the company truck that was full of cement

To the hole of an unfinished basement

Unloaded the bags of torsos and limbs

Dumped in the concrete smoothed it out

So a passerby would never even know what happened

Awful nervous still covered in sweat

When the jet took off the runway strip

I told the pilot, "just keep going up,

This is my final jump and it's got to be the biggest yet"

When I finally stepped up to the edge

Almost had the atmosphere left

Pilot he shouts "can't go no further Jim"

So I dove overboard headfirst singing the national anthem

I instantly knew I'd forgotten the pin

You know the one that makes the parachute open

But I kept falling with a big old grin

I'm going so fast, I'm going to make such a crater,

They won't even have to dig me a grave,

They'll just come they'll fill me in

This is the beginning of the end

Don't play with loaded gun

You'll start to be undone

Consider this a warning

The game is already won

Don't fly too close to the sun