Artisan Beard Lyrics

So I was at work, right?

And this guy comes in

And before I can even say, you know, well, anything

He says to me

That's quite an artisan beard you've got there

Just out of nowhere, and not even ironic

So, I was totally offended, and I think he could tell

But I played it off, and just said

What would you like to order today?

So he orders his latte or whatever, and just stands there

And I'm thinking, is this going to turn into something

Because it's a real pain, you know?

But it's real early still, and no one else comes in

So I can't really tell him to go sit down

And he kind of, you can tell he's trying to backtrack

And he says

That's a complement, you know

An artful beard

Like, I dunno, I could be growing beards

And selling them on fricking Etsy or something

But I just kind of laughed

Yeah, don't worry, I said

But then he's still standing there

Watching me make his drink, and I think

What's with this guy, is it the artisan beard?

So I say

Don't you usually get a latte and lemon cake?

And he smiles

And I think, well maybe we just got off on the wrong foot

But pfft, whatever, who cares, right?

That lemon cake is terrible, it's full of chemicals

Which was maybe dumb to tell him

But I already noticed a long time before this

That he's got these really, seriously amazing plugs

So I kind of change tack

How long did it take you to get those plugs?

I ask him

Because, you know, he's just still standing there

Not unpleasant, but it's still a little weird

Four years

He tells me

Wow, that takes dedication, you know?

I tell him.

They're really impressive

And then it hits me

They were impressive, like my artisan beard

Artisan!

I say, and kind of smile

So then we're both just standing there and smiling

It was weird, like if anyone else came in just then

But it was nice, you know?

And it kind of got me thinking

Dedication

Artful

Artisan

And I kind of thought about what else I could be doing in my life

Like, I don't even know

But maybe something beard-related

So yeah!

We've been together now for just over six months

And it's going good

It's going really good