I Don't Work Here Lyrics

I know why you've brought me here

But first I'd like to say

It was a nice and strange surprise

You seeing me today

I love this corporation

Whatever it is we do

But I know there's been questions asked

About my attitude

We're one big happy family

I read that in the note

That's pinned up on the noticeboard

That hides behind our coats

Most of your employees

Are inspired by that joke

"You don't have to be mad to work here"

And I'm not and don't

So you can't fire me

I want to make that clear

First you'd have to hire me

Get me all the gear

Stick me in a cubicle

Insure me for a year

But right now, you can't fire me

Cos I don't work here

I know I'm late and lazy

And here with no excuse

Yes, I'm drinking whiskey

From a flask marked orange juice

And I can't even claim to be

Uniquely qualified

No-one knows just what I do

And when I do it, why

You can't fire me

I want to make that clear

First you'd have to hire me

Get me all the gear

Stick me in a cubicle

Insure me for a year

But right now, you can't fire me

Cos I don't work here

But I like hanging round and being rude

And stealing all of your supplies

Everything's so lax round here

I think you should employ a private eye, an office spy, such as I…

I wanted a large company

Where I could feel at ease

Become part of the furniture

And turn up when I please

And here I really feel at home

But I wish that I was paid

So when there is a vacancy

Here's my resume

Then maybe you can fire me

I want to make that clear

First you'll have to hire me

Get me all the gear

Stick me in a cubicle

Insure me for a year

But till then, you can't fire me

Cos I don't work here

And right now, you can't fire me

Cos I don't work here