First Day Out Lyrics

Freedom wasn't what I thought it'd be

No chains on my wrists but still couldn't breathe

Eighteen years old with a felon's name

Trying to find my way but drowning in shame

First day out the world felt strange

Like I'd been gone for years like everything changed

Probation officer's voice on repeat

Check in every week don't miss a beat

Applications stack my name's in red

Felon's stain opportunities dead

Dreams of a future slipping away

Eighteen and already feeling decay

Lost in the shadows can't find my way

Every door I knock on just turns me away

Stuck in the past no future in sight

Drowning in the dark no end to the night

No sunrise no voice calling my name

Every step feels like sinking in chains

They say there's a way out but I don't see

Just ghosts of the past still haunting me

Empty pockets empty heart

Trying to rebuild but I'm falling apart

Mom's worried eyes Dad's silent stare

I'm a stranger in my home like I don't belong there

Found the bottle again my old friend

The same one that brought my life to a fucking end

Vodka burns but it numbs the pain

For a moment I forget the weight of my chain

I know it's poison I know it's wrong

But when the world feels heavy it helps me move on

Every sip's a step back but I can't let go

The bottle's my comfort my greatest fucking foe

Nights alone staring at the wall

Wondering if I'll ever stand fucking tall

The future's a blur the past's a scar

I'm trapped in the middle no matter how far

Ten years probation paper chains tight

Check-ins and piss tests no end in sight

She left me broken said you'll never change

So I drowned in the bottle to numb the pain

But deep down I know there's a fight in me

A spark in the dark a light I can't see

This ain't the end just the start of the fall

The fire's coming it'll burn through it all

Lost in the shadows can't find my way

Every door I knock on just turns me away

Stuck in the past no future in sight

Drowning in the dark no end to the night

No sunrise no voice calling my name

Every step feels like sinking in chains

They say there's a way out but I don't see

Just ghosts of the past still haunting me

I thought freedom meant escape but you can't outrun yourself

The real fight It ain't out here it's in my own head

In my own head