Choking Game Brain Killers Lyrics

I was trying not to remember

The times I thought I lost my soul

When I was being smashed to the ground

And could no longer make

My own internal sounds

I couldn't breathe

When you were choking me

I knew my brain was dying

My body freaking out

Escalating intensity

In my soul's crying

As my mind started

To block, blackout

Why would you do this to me

You wanted me to be captive

In that moment

Facing death

Everything slowed down

In my brain

All about wrecked

My mind was racing

And yet everything became clear

In a moment of my freaking out

Realizing I was losing the life

I held so dear

You didn't care about me

In those moments

You didn't care whether

You were killing me

You looked away from my eyes

And laughed

Then you turned your eyes right around

To try and pierce my soul

To let me know that I was just trash

Your trash

While you tortured

The living daylights

Out of me

Your malicious life

Your sadistic ploy

To over power me

For your own joy

What a monster

And monstrous act

To treat me like that

To treat me like trash

When I survived each attack

I had to get up every time

To get back to life

And pretend each day

As I walked out into the world

To pretend to be okay

Parts of me dying inside

Parts of me crying inside

Parts of me trying to deny inside

The devastation

Then trying to lie to myself

So that I could trick my body

Into pretending it wasn't hurt

But it wouldn't always work

Trying to pretend

I wasn't scared

People telling me

Not to question

Whether it was fair

Life's not fair

They said

So How dare I

Play a victim

Trying to pretend

I was unaffected and strong

So that I wouldn't be targeted again

Because I was weak

It was an impossible feat

When you knew

You already knew

They already knew

They had ultimate power

Over you

It was basically a joke to them

Using their power

To intimidate you into submission

Everyday

There's no getting away

From that

No way to get away

From identifying with

The body and brain attacks

There's no escape

From the knowledge

That the person

Will never have your back

You're on this journey

Alone

To find meaning and purpose

In a broken life

Within all the broken pieces

And relationships

Being lectured by others

To stop looking and acting hurt

No matter what

Don't feel sorry for yourself

You are undeserving

Of even self compassion

Alienate yourself

From your own inner soul

That type of criticism

Takes a toll

Shame on you

For being weak

Blame on you

For falling victim to a creep

Why so harsh

I was just a kid

Wanting to be loved

Why so harsh

You weren't there

You didn't see

The power imbalance

It's hatred you share

All the internal scars

And dysregulation

From being marred

From being impaled

As Indentations are made into

And onto your body and mind

What right do you have

To dig me down even further

My spirits voice and sounds

From the bottom

Of my soul's pain

I've been pared

And laid bare

You didn't care