What Would I Do? Lyrics

I woke up and I realized that I'm not dead, my suicide attempt was a fabrication in my head

I feel a wave of sadness, my dad still doesn't want me, my mama killed herself and the woman there was my auntie

She just looks disheveled, angry at the world, she just left the funeral

She looks like a spitting image of my mother, she's beautiful, but she opens her mouth and in a nasty tone

"You're staying with me and don't you try to go anywhere on your own"

I follow her to her Toyota, she drives to her house

I see my cousin, eyeliner on her face in a black blouse

Auntie locks the door and starts to make dinner

I go up to my room, my attempt wasn't a winner

I hear them talking shit downstairs about me being here

The phrase, "he caused her suicide", literally brings me to tears

I cry into my pillow, why couldn't God end me right now

I hear a glass breaking and a "get out of my house"

My uncle comes in and shouts, "you're no longer welcome"

I pack my bags, auntie and cousin are unconscious but I don't help

The next Monday is time for class but I skip school and run to the city

I take a bus and the thoughts of my mother's dead body makes me feel shitty

I think about my auntie and uncle and realize nobody with me

I get off of that bus and I see the weed guy going about

He calls out hello before I can take another route

I wave hi and then I'm walking away

"Poor kid, he must be going through something, I hear him say"

I sit down on the bench where I spot some gangsters running

They walk up to me with guns in their hands, they're cunning

"Give me everything you got or we'll kill you nigga"

I see a way out and I tell them pull the trigger

So he pulls the trigger but before I can be released

the weed guy from earlier suddenly pushes me

The gangsters run away, he asks if I'm okay

I sniffle then I sob and then I just say, stop following me

"Why can't you just let me die!?"

"He says you're just a kid and I hate to see you cry"

Little by little, we grow a little bond

He becomes the father that I've been missing

He brought me when no one would lift me up

Can't believe I got out this hellish city

It's a brighter day

I remember the kid that I used to be

I wish he could come and see

If I could tell my 15 year old self that everything would just be alright

He's my hero and he's the reason that my sky lights up everyday