Self-Defeating? Probably Lyrics

(Whispers)

I just keep slipping and sliding into this hole I call home

With nothing and no one to help me find my bearings

Like a sailor on a sinking ship on a calm overcast night

While everything should be right I'm far out of sight

Out of sight of what I think I should be

No, out of sight of what I know I should be

I should be stronger than I am

I should be smarter than I am

I should be able to smile and wipe the guilt-stained blood from my arms

But I'm stuck in this self-situated form of fight and flight

Where fight is against myself so I can only cause more damage

And I can't fly anymore since my wings have been worn from overuse

Why do I tremble with every word I write and I shake with every syllable I say

I am the creator of the sickness

Without wings I run but I can't escape this place

(I can't escape)

These shadows find me in my sleep

(In my sleep)

I will never make it in this life

I will never make it in this life

It's sad that I know what's wrong with me

And its sadder that I know how to fix it

But the saddest part is that I'm more scared of change than I am of suffering or even death

Isn't that a cruel joke on itself

I'd rather die than possibly become healthy

Because I'm too scared that I won't recognize this man's shell that I also reside in

I'm scared that he'll be a worse man than me who's weaker and more afraid

I'm scared that this man will be stronger than me and leave this old me behind

I've been through too much with this current version to just silently watch as it drowns into the abyss that is time

But most of all I'm just scared to live a life where I rely on another's help

Even if that person is me

Even if with them, I survive

I am the creator of the sickness

Without wings I run but I can't escape this place

(I can't escape)

These shadows find me in my sleep

(In my sleep)

I will never make it in this life

I will never make it in this life

(Whispers - January 31st, 2026. You are a burden. You are unwanted. You will never have a reason. You were made to fall apart. You will never be whole)

I pray and I pray

Please take this pain away

So one day we will, be okay

So one day we won't, be so afraid

I don't know how long I can stay the same

I pray and I pray

Please take this pain away

(Take this pain away)

So one day we will, be okay

(Be okay)

So one day we won't, be so afraid

(Be so afraid)

I don't know how long I can stay this way

(I just can't stay this way)

(I just can't stay the same)

(I just can't stay this way)

God you know I'm so afraid of change.

I can't keep lying to myself

(I just can't stay the same)

I need to change

God I know I need to change

(Stay this way)

(Stay the same)