Office Christmas Party Lyrics

There's no easy way to tell this

But tell this tale I must

Sparing the sordid details

I'll give you the main thrust

It was the office Christmas party

When everything fell apart

A night for letting our hair down

But you let it down too much

December second sounds early

They were doing it on the cheap

A budget of 20 pound a head

I now know what that means

Attending with my woman

We both were on the 'roll

Pam and I, together six years today

Together we conquered the world

She was in accounts, AAT Level 3

I worked in logistics, Class 2 HGV

Getting together it surely made sense

Me pissing in bottles, her counting the pence

It was the office Christmas party

When everything fell apart

A night for letting our hair down

But you let it down too much

The party's full of festivity

The tinsel and glamour and drink

A bit of harmless flirting

Or that's what they'd have you think

Late in the evening I went for a slash

There were stifled groans from trap two

I casually crouched to look under the gap

Four feet and I recognised the shoes

I leapt up and shouted and banged on the door

The room fell silent but for a murmured 'more'

After a few endless moments when nothing was spoken

The lock finally clicked and the door it swung open

It's Pam and the senior supervisor from the depot

I can't believe what I see

What on God's earth has my woman done?

Derek's older if bigger than me

It was at the office Christmas party

When everything fell apart

A night for letting our hair down

But you let it down too much

Despite her pleadings, I was lost in my feelings

I didn't stop to think

Cuffed him on the chin but that wasn't enough,

Took my anger out on the sink

Things went from bad to worse

For this loyal and competent charge

Employee of the month - April 2010

Cast out in a Christmas purge

The criminal damage and assault charges were dropped

But I was kicked out on my arse

So I've lost my job as well as my love

And I don't know where to start

I blame Jesus

For all that's befallen me

His season of love

Shat down from above

What will the New Year bring?