Regret Has Become One of My Closest Allies Lyrics

(Damn, you did 'em dirty)

Young trauma veteran, I don't do betterment

Trying to improve, oh wait, no, better yet:

Huff away problems, there's no way to solve them

I'm stuck at the bottom yet further I'm falling

The reaper's been calling, I'm letting him in

My demons are crawling, they're all in my skin

These diagnoses passed down from my kin

I'm coated in bronze and I'm drowning in sin

I've been struggling all my life

I'm just tryna find a way

I promise that I'm doing my best

Lay in bed all night awake

Something in my lungs again

I black out and I shake

Dissociation, need sedation, everything feels fake

If I was gone how would they all remember me?

After you left did you go find a better me?

Hate me or love me, but you're not forgetting me

All that I want is for you to remember me

A blip in an era, I just need some numbing

I don't wanna scare her, mascara is running

I know it's fucked up, but I love when you cry

I'll blame the drugs for the cold in my eyes

Okay, I'm sorry, I don't really mean it

I'm just tryna cope, tryna quiet the demons

I promise I love you, I know you can't see it

Don't know how to show it, can barely conceive it

I know that I'm damaged

I know that you're hurting, you don't deserve it

You know what I'm planning

You've seen how I'm living, just one thing is certain

Don't wanna desert you, but I don't deserve you

I know I'm fucked up, but I'm trying to learn too

You want me to care and I'm trying to learn to

I'll say "I need time" until I feel I've earned you

I don't know

How am I supposed to live like this?

Small successes get eclipsed by bigger fuck ups, longer slips

Steeper climbs to greener pastures

Just over that hill

Deepen wounds for self-improvement?

I don't think I will