The Pit ft. Kristin Critical Lyrics

It's the first, second, third time you've sabotaged yourself like this

You've kept me from attending college even though

I've had an inoperable brain tumor, and not only that

You've destroyed every relationship you've ever had, including ours

I can deal with it when you mistreat me, but when you treat our family like it's a burden,

A non-issue, a nuisance, that's what I can't fucking stand

Do you think your children, friends, relatives enjoy being with an abuser?

No one's buying your little narrative that this is normal

You can't isolate your children

Everyone knows what you're doing is wrong

Eighteen days at the luxury hotel, bothering the hotel staff and

Slowly tricking them into thinking you really work there, and

You think you're Mister Hot Shit Breath Don't Smell Rockerfeller

You've come crashing back down to earth, into a drain of a life

That quickly destroys your ambitions and dreams

You deserve it

Piece of shit cocksucker mother fucker

Think you can write intel x86 assembly because you can copy and paste code

From the lesser-known tags on Stack Overflow?

Stick to what you know:

Masturbating, hand-coloring paper asylums for children via crayon

Absorbing self, and indulging

You don't know jack shit

Every single one of your coworkers knows that

You're a sorry excuse for an architect

Not a planner or a mathematician, a measurer or designer

Rather a bean counter, or a social magician

Who can hide behind his own petty manipulations and appearances

Keep taking everything in your life for granted, fuck face

Into the trenches you go again

You have briefly slipped into the terrifying stage of life

Where others around you begin to trick you into thinking you're going insane

Rock music? Architecture School?

Nine Wellington Wood Academy years and letter jackets

Were all pissed away in the great Heroin Frenzy of '17

Your children hate you, they don't even know who you are

They used to ask about you when they were little,

"Where's Daddy? Where's Daddy?"

And I would have to be put into the unenviable position of telling them

That their dad would rather be doing something else

Something "more important"

But over time, they stopped asking, and they stopped caring

They grew into the violent, impulsive, borderline psychotic

Angst-ridden teenagers we have now

Instead of spending time with your children, you've opted for

A less favorable way to spend your time

To be right-hand bitch to an aspiring hitman with

Steel-string marimbas and forty cylinders

"Pwease wet me pway tambowine with you!"

No kids allowed bitch, turn the phone off and tell your wife to chill the fuck out

"Fuck you, Dad!" your daughter Jacqueline shouted at you

And carved into your Mercedes at the age of 13

She said it to you again last week, too, over Frosted Flakes

"Fuck you, Narrator."

Your son is blackmailing his female classmates into sending him

Pornographic pictures of themselves

Did you or did you not block it out when little Narrator Jr.

Mutilated a defenseless lamb by cutting its leg off in a farmhouse in 2004?

He even threw the leg in the pond to try to kill a toad with it

Your children are showing signs that serial killers exhibit at an early age

You never gave a fuck

The one opportunity you really had in life

Which was the Young Entrepreneurs and Part Time Republicans Club in high school

You pissed away because you really wanted to do ketamine at the Dave Matthews concert

You ignored every call from your fellow members you ever got

I know because I was there

No, we didn't have a romance at that point, I was your friend's

Ugly pain in the ass girlfriend for two years

While you were off banging every Betty, Polly, and Sue

With big eyelashes and more tits than brain cells

Fuck you

If I ever needed a morsel of self-esteem or positive self image

It was during the mistake of my life that was meeting you

I have trouble believing that you didn't just marry me because

I was the safest option with the least amount of effort

When your son Narry Junior was 8, and you were 34

You had come home from the casino after losing $10,000

And drinking a fifth of Max Wellman

Your son had created a model Empire State Building

Out of 30,000 lego bricks

With perfect symmetry, color shading, and geometric angles

He kept showing me all night

"Look at it now, Mommy!"

"Copper legos next to the gold legos, with silver on top"

You threw a sock full of pennies at his head and

He tumbled into his own creation

Scattering his carefully selected two-centimeter-wide bricks

Around the room, and turning his masterpiece into a pile of ruins

You laughed in his face as he lie bleeding with a black eye and

Snot running into his gaping, heartbroken mouth

I would have yelled at you until my lungs collapsed if

I wasn't afraid you were going to kill me

And then came the cheating

The first time I left you in 2006, I thought I was done with your bullshit and I was finally free

But no

You came running back to me, grovelling, begging, promising me you'd change

Read: telling me everything you thought I wanted to hear

I saw the pictures of the women you'd fucked on your phone

Saw the lipstick on your collar even though you thought you'd hidden it from me

I confronted you countless times

Every one of those times, I thought it was the last time

One day you will rot

With that, I'm leaving and I'm taking the kids!

I want you out of the house by Monday!

If you're still here on Monday I'm calling the police

Don't call me

I'm not at my parents, and I'm certainly not staying at my sister's

I'll be at the Sheraton with a stranger I picked up

That looks like you from ten years ago

If you hurt me, try to contact me, contact my family

Harass me, stalk me, or manipulate our children in any way

I will file a restraining order. You will not win this

If I have my way in court you'll never see the kids again