Ideal Self Lyrics

I'm leaving, I guess

I shouldn't keep another secret, confessed

that everything I do is trauma reruns

It seems like being honest won't be too fun

Whatever I do, it all explodes

I've never been good at letting go

Even when all the cracks start showing

I hurt everyone and they hurt me

A self fulfilling prophecy

This isn't who I want to be

Because my ideal self

Would take the problem away

She'd be attentive and kind

She'd take away all the pain cause

She wouldn't be masochistic

She'd pick up on every instinct

And she would be honest with you

And her own feelings

The mirror's not my friend

It's got me thinking that I'm uncute again

It's got me looking like a dirtbag asshole

I guess that's true because I'm not in control

I always look fresh out of bed

My eyes are hollow, grey, and dead

I walk like a zombie full of lead

I wish that I felt more full of life

Energy levels maxed out like

I had a reason to look nice

Because my ideal self

Would feel much better than me

She'd rock a confident look

And pull off everything cause

She wouldn't reflect self hatred

If something was wrong, she'd change it

She wouldn't be so damn jaded

Over her past mistakes

But I'm stuck with this

Bruised, broken body

And I push away

The ones who want me

Rotting out my bones

My brain is useless

Trauma-ridden, mean,

And ineffective

Because my ideal self

Would be stable and nice

She'd be successful and smart

She wouldn't fuck this up twice cause

She wouldn't be that much like me

And she wouldn't need "I'm sorry"

Perfect, pretty, chill, and carefree

She's nothing like me