Better off (Dreamin') Lyrics

Yeah, I took the road less traveled, know that I done been through hell and back

Took the pain that I was given, put that shit up on my back

Know that I don't always get it right but I pick up the slack

Cause I ain't never had no guidance chasin' shit I never had

Momma ran off with them drugs certain she ain't comin' back

Kicked me out, I was eleven guess it's time to live with dad

Spent about seven years just locked inside my head

I'm feelin' mad, I'm hatin' her for things I couldn't comprehend

I'm feelin' bad and I ain't got a

Bone in my body that harbors hate, waitin' for a day

Where you decide you wanna see me straight

Tell me please

Is it the high that you addicted to?

Or are you just in love with the delusion of what makes you, you?

You stuck feelin' disgust with problems you won't discuss

Know you been through hell

But that don't justify the same to us

Hate, lil' disdain

Fake gon' make you feel pain

I don't think you realize yo power momma, take the reins

Yeah, I know

You been caught in a never-ending spiral

Problem is though after a while them excuses start to pile

And then we gotta look at the facts and the shit you do is vile

You call it survivin but really it's just your lifestyle

And I can't take another second tryna to show what could've been

If you just did a lil' more than what you loved to do back then

Maybe just a lil' less of noddin' off that Vicodin

Or maybe just a lil' more of lovin' us and leavin' them

I'm stuck in indifference

Never thought that I'd feel this way

Almost makes you miss the days that I was so consumed with hate

Cause now I'm grown and self-aware I know this ain't how things should go

But that don't change the fact that I just lost all of my hope and I get angry

Get so angry, got my blood hot

That's what happens cause I'm stuck here missin' someone you forgot

Lost yourself inside the madness gettin' hard to watch you rot

And I don't even know who you are anymore I'm sure you not

The person that you wanna be

The person that got angry and then hit me with a bat because I started talkin' back

Momma I felt relief

Felt like I escaped until I realized that I got pushed away cause I gave your secrets away

You love so selfishly

Love to love when you get somethin' in return

Then you let it crash and burn I'm sure this ain't the shit I've earned

I'm helpless, please

Beggin' on my knees I want you free from all that pain that you put onto me

Just let it be

See, I know you want me close, momma

But I keep runnin' from the pain that I keep close, momma

Think I got it from you, wonder what you feel I'ma

Hold it tight while I'm clingin' to my loathin' trauma

Look

And I get guilty every once in a while

When I'm sittin' back and think

Feel a little ashamed like maybe I'm the one to blame I think

Seems like when I left was right when things started to escalate

And everything just started to fall apart while I'm hours away

And I can't do a thing about it

I feel responsible, ironic cause I live without it

Can you hear me now I'm screamin', momma Hear me shoutin

I wanna say I miss you but I think that I just miss the person I've been dreamin' bout

(Yeah I just miss the person I been dreamin' bout)