TRIGGER WARNING Lyrics

Alert! This is a trigger warning! Alert!

After careful examination and review by the

Trigger Warning Society of America

This album has been determined to contain a

Litany of words and topics that may cause offense or anxiety

Please confirm that you will not be affected by the mention or

Lengthy discussion of the following topics before

Proceeding with your enjoyment of this album, for

Their reference and abundance are boundless

Murder, robbery, sexual assault, depression

Starvation, sickness, castration, disembowelment

Bodily fluids including but not limited to

Blood, bile, tears, and semen

Political assassinations, homophobia, transphobia, heterophobia

Racism, sexism, feminism, peanut allergy

Pollen allergy, the common cold, sore throat

Runny nose, tripping on your own shoelace

Getting a brain freeze

Smelling something gross when you weren't expecting it

Biting your own tongue on accident, biting your tongue on purpose

Finding ten dollars in your pocket but then you suddenly die

Black people, white people, Chinese people

People who say "Oriental", People who say you shouldn't say "Oriental"

Animal abuse, drug abuse, gang violence

Temporary tattoos, cotton candy, John Candy

Steve Martin, planes, trains, automobiles

Newborn babies, slightly older babies

The concept of death, the Berlin Wall

A big pile of rocks, your grandma having sex with your dad

A tiger with human legs and it can't bite so you become

Friends with it and take it to your seventh grade gym class and

Everyone makes fun of you and you're embarrassed

But it's OK because you have a tiger

Dane Cook, Dana Carvey, Dana Kuehr

That was a girl I used to date in high school

And suicide, thank you! Bye!