Crystal Whipped Lyrics

Well here's a crazy tale about dreams come true

I was kicking it alone at age 32

It was real slim pickings in the single scene

I was a king with the castle but I had no queen

No curtains for my room, no dressers for my clothes

Boxed dinners each night and mixed laundry loads

All settled into the bachelor's life

Till my parents got me hip to the sweet website

EHarmony.com was the place

With Neal Warren Clark and a salesman's face

I logged in and took the hour profile test

The next day I was landing matches, right and left

But sadly I kept on coming back empty

Drove down to Florida even once to Mississippi

A sad dateless loop that was getting strange

But my big frowny world was about to change

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped

All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped

With a quick love smack to the back of the head

I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

Well the years went by and I took a hiatus

Burned out on dating, my hopes had all faded

Till one morning in a coffee shop, I checked my Yahoo and my white jaw dropped

I saw this fine lady up in Ashland town

She had the greenest eyes and cutest smile around

We chatted for a week or three in cyberspace

Then I met up with her family for some sweet cheesecake

Fifteen thousand miles on my brand new matrix

On the road like a gypsy but I wouldn't dare trade it

Talking on the tele nearly all the time

I was floating with my baby on a cloud called nine

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped

All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped

With a quick love smack to the back of the head

I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped

All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped

With a quick love smack to the back of the head

I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

Well now my apartment, well it smells like candles

Doilies on the table, pictures on the mantel

Flowers on the wall in the purple bedroom

The sink is lined up with soap and perfume

All transformed, a lady's in the house

And if you see my face, that's what I'm smiling about

I spent my whole life looking, finally found my pearl

And I thank the Lord above for my baby girl

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped

All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped

With a quick love smack to the back of the head

I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped

All the fellas in the house say Crystal Whipped

All the ladies in the house say Crystal Whipped

With a quick love smack to the back of the head

I got Crystal Whipped, I got Crystal Whipped