If Only I Was Never Me Lyrics

It's coming any second now

All these memories I've been trying to hide

They're filling up my head again

And I should be asleep by now

Instead I'm lying on my bed in the silence

All the things I wish I never said

If I'd a nickel for each lie I told

Oh I would be a poor man

I'm not any good at hiding emotions

I'm not any good at playing pretend

Oh I could be in love by now

I could be starring as the lead in a movie

I could be anything that I ever wanted

If only I was never me

It's coming any second now

I can feel it when I step off the sidewalk

Something special is about to begin

And I'll be ruining it all by tomorrow

Like I've ruined everything in the past

I'm a tragedy that's waiting to happen

If I'd a nickel for each word I say

I'd be the king of California

I'm not any good at playing the long game

I'm not any good, not any good for you

Oh I could be away by now

I could be traveling the skies and the seas

I could be anywhere that I ever wanted

If only I was never me

Oh I could be okay by now

I could be happy just to wake up and breathe

I could be living every day in the moment

If only I was never me

But I don't want to be somebody else

I don't want to give up on myself

If this is all I'll get then I'll get by

If I can't reach the sun, well fuck I'll try

If I'd a nickel for each time I fold

Oh I'd be richer than a con man

I'm not any good at reading the future

I hardly know the back of my hand

Oh I could have been saved by now

I could be praying every night on my knees

I could be good enough to get into heaven

If only I was never me

Please don't run away just yet

There's a million things that I haven't seen

And I'm sorry that I couldn't do better

But I could use some company

If only I was never me

It's coming any second now

It's coming any second now

It's coming any second now