october's burden Lyrics

It's been a long time since we've met

Mellow my tone stress exposed

Withering prims on every rose

The whip, it got a candy coat, but what's it matter if I drive alone

My mind wonders should I let it doze

Lungs thick, fill em up with smoke

Music block, I can't make a song, time is ticking and my fucking throat is closed

Bedridden, weeks straight, nigga my health is on the motherfucking decline

You haven't dropped in months, nigga what the fuck, you a fraud and we all realize

and forget about graduation, all that money for tuition, you ain't make the most of it

You alone in this bitch

Always tryna go home and shit

You haven't spoken to your niggas in minutes

All because you was just chasing them units

Music ain't working nigga, you diminished

And you at a school that you won't even finish

Affirmative action got you this position

That's what they say with the strongest conviction

So you got cousins locked up in the system while you at home all alone, wasting your privilege

I admit it, this year I got lost in all my addictions

Nicotine choking my veins

Smoking all weekend and plus I am sick

Feeling so drained, hiding this pain

Heartbreak taking tolls on me

There's some comfort in this sadness

Using self destructive habits

Only way that I can manage

Wake up and feel like a burden

My impact on people abhorrent

Existing my biggest disservice

For once, can I feel like I'm worth it

Every girl that I have been with, green texts signifying they hurting

Always guarding my emotions

Dousing fires that'll always keep burning

I'm sorry, having a little trouble letting go of you

I dragged it on too long and now just like all of my exes

You're sick of me, but look, I'm still so in love with you

But we'd never work, that's the hardest truth

My throat closing, losing volume

Emotions roller coasting, urges volatile

Antibiotics killing all the molecules

Steroid pills for the swelling

But it's my mental that needs all the healing

Loving myself hasn't been in the cards

Will I get through and beat all of my odds

Where's my victory, my round of applause

My moment, my purpose, my cause

Laying in bed, face-to-face with the mirror, I see all of my reflections

Those around me here are in my inflection, I think I got depression