Not Fine Lyrics

I've been waiting on a sign since I was only a kid

Painted pictures in my mind the type of life I would live

I could never expect

Never believe

That anything good could happen to me

I've been sitting with my thoughts longer than ever before

Meditated on mistakes just to make room for more

Imperfection is in fashion, and I wear it with pride

To match emotions on my sleeve just to prove that I'm fine

But I'm not fine

I'm just playing pretend

I don't want to disappoint you

While I'm losing myself again

And it's not fine

The way I spend my days

To be feeling this way

As often as I do

I've been walking with a shadow made of fear and of doubt

Takes some deeper conversations just to figure me out

I can't fight what I've been feeling cuz I'm feeling uneasy

Pretty sure if I was happy, it still wouldn't please me

Cuz I'm not fine

I'm just playing pretend

I don't want to disappoint you

While I'm losing myself again

And it's not fine

The way I spend my days

To be feeling this way

As often as I do

And I know that it gets better

I know that I'll be good

I would fight for self-forgiveness

If I could

But for now, I'm not fine

I'm just playing pretend

I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again

And it's not fine

The way I spend my days

To be feeling this way

As often as I do

This music feels like breathing

These notes take up my lungs

This melody is speaking

These lyrics on my tongue

This music feels like breathing

These notes take up my lungs

This melody is speaking

To the person I've become

But for now, I'm not fine

I'm just playing pretend

I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again

And it's not fine

The way I spend my days

To be feeling this way

To be feeling this way

As often as I do