Rap Dad ft. MC Lars, Kim Beyer & Colin Rigsby Lyrics

I'm a rap dad just kicking it preschool

First in line to the Pixar sequel

There's no equal to how I love my kid

My son won't know 'til he has his

Trying to do a good job like my mom and dad did

They seemed so prepared, this feels more adlib

Mad crib building skills when I check the instruction

Paid for by the child credit tax deduction

It's all about the Washingtons baby

Maybe I got that fresh amount in my checking and savings

I just bought a new Mercedes Hot Wheels for my son

Tonka truck for my lady

Somebody better pay me, I'm putting in work

It's a full-time job just to watch these squirts

I think I'm going crazy or mad

'Cause I'm beginning to feel like a rap dad, rap dad

Could you stop and pick up diapers on the way home?

And don't forget to make a payment on the cell phones

We need a sitter Tuesday night; can you check with your friends?

I found some time to write this rhyme between work and errands

My main duty is to clean up doody

When my baby toots then you gotta sniff that booty

I can't breastfeed so the next best thing is to clean up

Diapers with wipes especially when it's messy, yup

Don't test me, I know where to get that discount

When I'm buying stuff in bulk amount

I gotta meal plan it so I scan it certified organic

Raising up my children while we're raising up the planet

Dagnabit, fatherhood has chilled my curses

"Frick" is the worst that you'll hear in my verses

When my kids act out, then I make 'em take a step back

Ask a few questions, and they respect that

How are you feeling? Is that okay?

How are you acting? Completely cray!

So let's take a deep breath and make a new plan

We'll get control of our emotions, then we'll kick it to the minivan

Could you pick up toilet paper on the way home?

Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe

And try to setup auto-payments on the cell phones?

Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe

Name here can't make it Tuesday night, can you check with your friends?

Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe

I need some time to write this rhyme between work and errands

Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe

They're always trying to figure me out

Like "You're thirty-plus, why are you just doing this now?"

Well I told my kids they could chase their dreams

If I don't lead by example, they won't know what that means

Being a father doesn't make you a dad

Any more than being Darth Vader makes you bad

Any more than a bicycle makes you a cyclist

Any more than taking science makes you Harry Nyquist

Yes, I bring bacon, yes, I check cheddar

Yes, I win bread, but if you knew me better

You'd see I'd trade all that money for time

But a paycheck and benefits is how we survive

It's like this, if you step up to the plate and you whiff

If you don't keep swinging, then you'll never get a hit

So keep showing up, and keep trying

'Cause children need their dads like the thunder needs lightning, BOOM

For the love of God get coffee on the way home

Looks like we must've missed a payment on the cell phones

Our thing got switched to Thursday night, let's give up and stay in

I can't find time to write this rhyme