OD

Thinking about it I overdose this is too much, OD, D as in death, put an X in that O, quantity dos, like cartoon Eyes, woke up sore to realize, disorientated but vision clear, I am a joke, a belated epiphany to me , this is it Kismet, full circle cross the line theta to teth, ouroboros in a celtic knot, I'm taking steps back, Daddy and me, see The resemblance, like a mirror image looking back to the past, those days wouldn't last, that daze didn't last, a dark Shadow had to contrast with rosy spectacles, the apple does fall far from the tree, rotten with worms throughout Just like the termites in the wood, got more bad than good, testament to restless nights, more than a fright what I Saw that night, I don't remember passing out, maybe I dosed off

Maybe I dosed off

Then again pops could of popped sleeping pills in my cup possibly, please let me pour my own drink, sometimes I'm a little trouble, double drop to the rigmarole, then he's out cold, snoozing 4 almost 5 year old, woke up sore to a Nightmare neck in a crick from that love seat that I hated as a bed, disorientated but vision fated, hair stands no Bend, if I don't act this might be someone's end, memory blurry in the hurry, gagging and choking is turning to still Air, if I close my eyes I'm still there, his face down in it, that cigarette he had been smoking is in the chicken dinner Fit only for a winner, inner demons out to play, 2nd place I'd seen it that day, smeared in his eyes over his mouth And nose all over his clothes, not another overdose, slip to the floor, desperate gasps he's in the grim reaper's Grasp, struggle to flip him over, limp flace blue, I think I know what to do, I saw it on the TV, ear to the chest Center left to breast, I'm not hearing a beat, I'm not hearing him breathe, maybe I'm just deaf to it all, stress tells me To press and start compressions, question am I doing it right, why is he so quiet? In my head there's a riot, press his Stomach in like a pit attempting in an awkward Heimlich hands covered in a sick mess of my father's vomit, my Snot, my tears I'm bawling, calling, finally I wake him, I'm shaken he just replies lies I was just sleeping, I'm crying God bless not another overdose, harm close but not the charm, ever since that I can only sleep on my sides - only Puke in the toilet after seeing that shit, I'm never still in bed thoughts racing through my head – I don't sleep I just Rest always semi-conscious, supposedly just symptom of a simple syndrome, don't ask where my thoughts roam You can't comb dread, no honey just hornets buzzing, that kid - that sad kid never grew up he just hid in the Darkest corner of his mind, What if I am the same, what if I mess up too

Thinking about it I overdose this is too much, OD, D as in death put an X in that O, quantity dos, woke up with Cartoon eyes, sore to realize

Fast forward to a tombstone I don't visit, who is it? A man who exhibits the same habits that inhibit and turns Ribbits to croak, stoner to stoned, smoker to smoked

Thinking about it I overdose this is too much, OD, D as in death put an X in that O, quantity dos, like cartoon eyes Woke up sore to realize, disorientated but vision clear

Fast forward to a tombstone I don't visit, who is it? A man who exhibits the same habits that inhibit and turns Ribbits to croaks, stoner to stoned, smoker to smoked, a tainted beginning had me see the foolish as wise so I Dropped that straight edge façade, just like I did God, collage made with no fucks given, made it to college with no Fucks given, I won't lie, all I wanted was to get high pass the get by, I managed to bloom the wallflower, got that And the bud so why I gloom, but I'm only running off fumes, plumes turn to a cumulonimbus, RX Ɵ rain Lightning and thunder won't shake me, all hail, this guilt I can only pay with an obol, see a friend for a pill that I Can pop to stay up, opportunity knocks, lady death my mistress, wags a finger, what if I have an affair? A buddy Takes me up on a request says be my guest, this the type of stuff I'm not to mix –I know better, I don't care if I visit The Styx, I could care less if I die, ahhh if it is just a little I'll be fine, sip the concoction, head back to my room, this Could be my tomb, I'm gone

I wake my muscle aches, my skin and nerves feel like electrified popping glass covered in spiders every bit of me is Clammy and cold, I can feel the bad to my bone, marrow in a cold boil, overdose reaction, half wild half that same Child, the wall flower now ashamed only retorts back I complain for next few weeks, craving my weakness, I'm at My weakest, I wish I was dead, OD'd but that debts still owed, thinking about it I overdose this is too much, so Fucking close