Bulb Lyrics

I've spent way too many days wondering what my problem was

Way too many nights thinking bout what I should've done

Way too many moments spent wondering if I feel enough

Way too many people I hurt when I wanted just love

Every time a tear would come out of my eye

I had to fight just to let myself cry

I been losing strength now I don't even try

Something's wrong and I don't know why

I been running T&R barely missing hurdles

Running so long It's like it's the only thing I heard of

Been going forward but the bigger picture determines

I never really moved I was stuck running in circles

Tell me what's living when you've only ever imitated breathing

And you know how it looks but you don't know how to feel it

And you know how to get it but you don't know how to keep it

And you know that it hurts but you don't know how to heal it

But you know that you need it

Now you feel so defeated

I been smiling for some years for smiling's sake

I don't know what feels real and what is fake

I was swimming through some tears to try and find solutions

I thought I'd be artist find my soul through the music

But then I just stare and turn it off

Maybe these beats ain't the best place to talk

Sometimes I think I'm a narcissist

Or at the very least maybe an egotist

A pessimist disguising myself as a realist

Really though I don't even know who the man in the mirror is

And I haven't for a while

I smile because that's what I wanna be about

But now I found that when I'm down and out

I'm a grinning ass king wearing just a crown wow

Talked to professional recently

I could barely even talk composure I couldn't keep

Made it through the call and soon I began to weep

Don't know if it was pain or sensation tied to release

Of feelings never fully felt words never truly said

I was comfortable leaving somethings stuck in my head

Speaking my mind every time would surely be my death

But I did it and lived I couldn't comprehend

I came back the next week and I did it again

I was thinking that this was it that my healing began

When I'm done here life would progress

Life has a funny sense of humor I guess

The smile moves away

The frown takes the place there that it stays

I thought that I was better that I'd changed

But I slipped right back into my all of my ways

I was angry. I was angry for some days

Too angry couldn't see the plain in my face

I almost drove that best things all away

But I learned what love is cuz she chose to stay

I guess that was the wake up call

I told myself be better you can make it dog

All it takes is a step then you're on your way

Like they say Rome wasn't built inside a day

And neither is a man

I know you had some plans that went left

Now you're stuck sweeping up the sands

But please don't give up give yourself a chance

You are nothing but potential the bulb atop a plant

I know your eyes look glassy

But take some baby steps it'll feel magic

Despite all the flaws stare at yourself in awe

Take a deep breath and say "I love you Addy"